


Under Your Scars

by jedi_witch



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Poe Dameron (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cat BB-8, DameRey, Developing Relationship, Ending will be super fluffy, Eventual Smut, F/M, HEA eventually, Happy Ending, I swear I'm getting there, It's a really slow burn, Jealousy, Kylo is bad, Poe/Rey - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rose Tico if you squint, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smut ahead, Smut finally, Smut is now included!, We finally got there!, Wexley makes an appearance, damerey is endgame, long story, someone went missing, song titles for inspiration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:34:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23957725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedi_witch/pseuds/jedi_witch
Summary: Poe Dameron is still a pilot, Rey Skywalker is a master at many things. Finn is a mutual friend. Things go wrong, people disappear, long story but worth it.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Rey
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82
Collections: Earworms 2020





	1. Surprise!

It seemed the stars always reached for Rey, no matter where she was, the desert, the forest, or the cityscape. Tonight, she was on the roof of her condo building sitting in the darkness, gazing up watching the stars. Another night she could not sleep, another night of nightmares, tomorrow would be another day of running on necessity and pure energy pulled from somewhere she could not even find. Every now and then she would get a reprieve and some sleep, but tonight was not one of those rare nights.

She sighed and leaned back in the lawn chair someone conveniently left up there, did not know who, tenant or guest but she was appreciative of it tonight, it was not there last week but tonight it was. Wrapping her arms around herself she leaned back and just continued to search the sky, even making a wish on a star when to fell.

“I see I’m not the only one who can’t sleep now.” A soft tremble of a voice came from the quiet and Rey instantly went on the alert, jumping out of the chair and scanning the rooftop to see where the voice came from, the lighting was not the best for this but her eyes had adjusted mostly. The voice sounded like it came from by the roof access door, so unless her new companion was Batman it had to be from there.

“Hey, I mean you no harm nor am I a threat.” The voice came again accompanied by footsteps bringing the speaker into the lighter area, what little there was, he was over with his hands held in the air to show he did not mean harm. “I just figured I’d come out here, beats sitting in the building staring at walls when I cannot sleep. Enjoying the chair? Please sit.”

Rey was not sure what to think of the man with his hands held in the air. He did not appear threatening but something about him screamed danger, until she got a good look at his face, she recognized him then. “Commander Dameron what the hell are you doing here of all places?!”

“Lieutenant Skywalker? I had no idea you lived here, or even where you were. I haven’t seen you in years. How long have you been here?” The newcomer said after getting a good look at her face. Her hair wasn’t pulled back into that military severe bun it always had been. Five years had changed her.

“The last two years here, after the last tour, I ugh, wanted something different and got out. You still didn’t answer why you are here.”

“I moved in last week, fourth floor. What have you been doing? I was out on assignment when you discharged, personnel said you didn’t leave a forwarding address other than Jameson would know how to get ahold of you and he was so tightlipped I didn’t think you could get a syllable out of him.”

“Finn, yes Finn knows where I am, and where I have been. I took a year off and disappeared and stayed with Kare and Antilles a bit. Bounced between extended family and then just wound up here. I asked Finn not to tell anyone where I was, or at least to ask me before he told anyone. Haven’t heard from him in a while, but last we talked he had a girlfriend, so the relationship was budding and I’m on the backburner.” Rey replied, slowly side stepping around several topics, and the door simultaneously.

Getting ever closer to the door, Rey kept Poe Dameron in sight and made sure her back was clear. When finally, it was within grasp, she reached for the handle and turned it “It’s been a shock Commander, have a good night.” With that she disappeared into the building.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Poe Dameron, Commander Poe Dameron, could hear Rey flying down the stairs to get back to her floor. Not that he could blame her, he had heard some rumors over what occurred while he was gone on assignment, she was there when he left, and then like vapor she was gone when he got back two months later and no one spoke of it. Just a lot of uneasy looks among junior officers when he brought it up.

He moved over towards the chair she had abandoned, his chair. This was one of the first things he unloaded from his pack-out. His apartment was still mostly boxes, mementos of his last decade plus in the Navy. It wasn’t much, his sparse furnishings, a few racks of ribbons and medals in a shadow box, and some clothes comprised most of it. Hell, he didn’t even have a bed.

Poe sat down and sighed. He did not know she was here, that had not been a lie. Her best friend Finn Jameson did not let one utterance slip as to where she might be. When he got back to base, albeit delayed, he found Lieutenant Rey Skywalker missing. No one said one word, her command picture was removed from display and no mention of her or what occurred to cause her to leave so fast was known.

Scuttlebutt, rumors, abounded but no telling how much of it was true. All he knew was the Admiral Organa had gotten involved and those records were sealed, even to highest clearance. Not unusual but when asking the Admiral during his debrief he was told on no uncertain terms he could not and would not stick his previously broken nose where it didn’t belong or be subject to NJP (non-judicial punishment) or court martial.

He was glad to run into her, even if it was for less than three minutes. He had tried for four of the last five years to find any trace of her, he wanted to check on her. In the officer’s mess it was always easy to talk to her, conversations with her used to flow naturally and was always nice when there was downtime. Not that there usually was on base, especially in the middle of a deployment, but those rare moments where it was available the non-work-related talks were lighthearted, full of laughter, and Poe found himself relaxing in her presence. They had ended up together in several commands, him, Rey, and Finn. Finn was okay to hang around and a good buddy, but Rey was Rey….

Poe gazed at the stars, missing flying among them. The last several years of duty made him realize how much he did, especially after the last tour. He had been handpicked by the Admiral Organa to fly the up and coming test planes, some had potential, some were okay, then some were fireballs, figuratively and literally. Poe was quite sure that he got selected for it because despite being told no, he kept pressing for details regarding Lt. Skywalker’s disappearance. All he found out for sure was it had involved those fine examples (using the term loosely) of military members, Hux, Ren and Phasma.

Not meaning to, the feeling and memory provoked another memory, heat. Skin blistering heat. The cool September night suddenly felt too hot. Breathing deeply, he fought free of the memory, he looked around him to double check there were no flames. Seeing the top of the condo building was flame-free he got up, suddenly not wanting to be up there anymore. He headed back down to his place on the fourth floor, to pace in there.


	2. Tapdancing Elephants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I should probably give these chapters more of a colorful title but I was more focused on the story. :)

It had been three days since Poe Dameron had surprised her, no scared the shit out of her, on the roof. She spent all of the next day hiding in her apartment, she called into work, the first time in a year. Not wanting to take any chances and running into him again so she had hidden that first day, staying in bed. The following day she ventured out and checked the mailboxes in the lobby, sure enough, the previously blank spot for 4D was listing a name. All it read was, Dameron.

She smiled at Wexley on the way out the door. Rey always enjoyed seeing Wexley, the older doorman. Occasionally chatting about life. He asked her one time about why the military had sent her a signature required package. Turned out he was a veteran as well. That was the only time they touched on the subject.

Rey went to the supermarket, stopped by her favorite coffee shop on the way back, thankful she lived close enough she could walk. Especially semi-early in the morning no one except for dog walkers and mall walkers were out. She rarely slept anyways, hence the quadruple shot coffee in her left hand.

Wexley opened the door for her and got the elevator called, she normally took the stairs but after a near tumble Wexley heard they came to a compromise, groceries equaled elevator, any other time stairs were fair game.

She had made it safely in the elevator and had thanked Wexley when the door to the building opened, the movement caught her eye she saw Dameron coming in. Pressing the door close button, a little panicky, sighing with relief when it finally closed while Dameron was just crossing the lobby, asking for her to wait. She hit her floor and hightailed it to the apartment.

Standing in the lobby after the elevator doors basically closed in his face Poe hung his head. She didn’t want anything to do with him. He resisted the urge to kick the door. The sound of a throat being cleared behind him drew his attention. Turning towards the body that created the sound he was surprised to see a mildly older man with more gray than brown hair. Poe raised his eyebrows in question.

“Ah, welcome to the building, sir. I am Wexley, the doorman. Commander correct?” The man, Wexley, said.

“Yes once upon a time, Commander.” Poe said, looking down and realizing he grabbed his flight jacket. Old habits died hard. “Just Dameron now, Poe is the first name.”

“Wonderful, hope you enjoy living here sir. I will try to hold the elevator for you next time. Ah, it seems it’s reached its destination, we can call it back for you now.”

Poe chanced a glance at what floor it stopped on before hitting the call button. Spying the number, he walked quickly over to the mailboxes, a small smile spreading on his lips. Normally he would be observant, not nosey like this but seeing that Rey Skywalker lived in 3D it felt like he had an ace up his sleeve.

Nodding to Wexley, Poe stepped into the now open elevator and headed to his floor. He reached in his pocket pulled out his phone. He found Finn Jameson’s phone number and sent him a text. Short and sweet. “ _We need to talk ASAP.”_ Hit send and went off about his morning.

***

Putting away her groceries, it was Rey’s turn to pace. Of course, she thought, just my luck, seven floors of apartments, and he chose the one above mine. Huffing as she flopped onto her couch her cats Bee-bee and Chewie sensing her mood came over to bump her arm. She gave them both scratches behind the ears, Bee-bee the orange tabby was always inquisitive and wanting to get into everything. She remembered to leave the one paper grocery sack on the floor for him. Chewie was a little different, a cinnamon color, a lover, and a little older than Bee-bee he knew just when Rey needed comfort.

While Bee-bee went to investigate the bag, Chewie jumped up on the couch and started to purr. Gave Rey a couple of head bumps and helping her to relax. Eventually the calming purrs of Chewie, the chirping of Bee-bee coming out of the back lulled Rey to sleep, a thankfully dreamless sleep.

Waking hours later, she was unsure what woke her. Chewie had moved to the back of the couch, Bee-bee was who knows where. Then she heard it. Thump, thump, thump. Rey rolled her eyes towards the ceiling, seeing her light fixture swing, thump, thump, thump, crash! She had felt refreshed, now she felt annoyed. Evidently her new neighbor was moving things around. After trying to lay back and have sleep reclaim her but to have it interrupted more by thumping, dropping and bumping she was going to go ask what was going on.

The stairs entrance being near her door was a blessing and a curse some days. Today, blessing, can slip up the stairs and see what her neighbor was doing. Taking a deep breath, marching up the steps to the next floor and opening the door she strode over to apartment 4D. She raised her fist and started to knock but ended up pounding on the door. She didn’t stop until the door flung open.

“What in the hell are you doing up here? Tap dancing with elephants?!” She asked seeing that it was Poe that opened the door. He just starred and pushed the door open more so she could see. Not elephants, but furniture delivery.

Seeing the look on her face and the rumpled clothes and the worked loose hair now Poe could see his furniture delivery interrupted her sleep. He instantly felt bad but then she just rolled her eyes grumbled something and stalked off back down the stairs. He would make it up to her later.

Returning to her apartment, she found her cellphone laying on the counter picked it up, thumbed up Finn’s number and sent a message. “ _Why didn’t you warn me?! A little heads up would have helped. Will you please call me?”_ Hoping the flavor of the year would be able to live without attention for a thirty-minute conversation.

Another forty minutes of bumping and banging and then it was quiet upstairs, Rey sighed, thankful for the silence. She knew there were four other units besides 4D available to be rented. Why did he choose that one? Seeing it was midafternoon on a Sunday she hopped Finn would call her soon but didn’t hold out any hope. He was a great friend, but whenever the newest love interest entered his life, he tended to ignore his friends. Unfortunate but Rey could get it, Finn grew up in an orphanage, force fed indoctrination where she had grown up basically on her own on the streets in the desert. Her only saving grace was that she was smart and her counselors in school did everything they could to see her get out of the life the cards had dealt.

She met Finn while they were still in university. Not quite sure about their plans afterward but given that Rey had a talent for constructing and deconstructing items, repair and more engineering was the way she went, Finn followed having just broken free of the training lifestyle he had been brought up in. Not before he rebelled of course. How they both made it through the Officers Academy in record time she had no clue.

Putting her head in her hands as memories started to overtake, she threaded her fingers through her hair. It was longer now than it had been, no longer had that tell-tell bump of a military bun. The first one was learning their assignment after the academy, Finn and Rey were lucky enough to be stationed together. Same base, not same command.

Second was the first holiday party she ever attended, second command and this one was with Finn. This was also her first introduction to the then Lt Dameron. She had just been a Lieutenant Junior Grade then. Finn had convinced her to go to the command holiday party, she finally relented wearing a daring red dress that was skintight, having her makeup done and wearing heels she walked like a baby giraffe. A few drinks later and some goading by the other junior officers Rey had gotten out on the dancefloor, having a blast, and eventually slipping in the unfamiliar footwear. Right into the unsuspecting Lt Poe Dameron.

Not sure what to do she smiled at him, the man who managed to snag her around her waist to keep her from smacking her backside on the floor. He smiled back, brown eyes gazing at her. “Hi, uh come here often?” He asked her. She laughed and thanked him, went back to the table, and sat down. Stripping off her heels she glared at Finn and he looked innocent as ever. One of the two slow dances of the night, after mostly everyone had left the party already Poe came over to where she was sitting and asked for one.

“I know you practically fell into my arms earlier but maybe you could dance with me this time?” He said offering his hand. Finn kept poking her into going onto the dance floor.

“So, thanks for catching me earlier. I appreciate it, I didn’t want my first command party to turn into a disaster.” Rey said looking up slightly at this man, his hair in the standard military haircut, she could see he had dark brown hair but that was it.

“Hey, no problem, I’m Poe Dameron by the way. Welcome to the command.” He said looking at her hazel eyes.

“Thanks, you’re a pilot, right? This is my first assignment to a joint command like this, not used to other branches in here.”

“Yeah I’m a pilot, I can fly anything.” Poe stated with a little too much of a brag. His eyes taking in how her short brown hair framed her face, and then she smiled and laughed a little and Poe was lost in the beauty of it.

“Anything huh? Well that sounds like it might be a challenge. Thank you for the dance, I’m calling it a night. See you after the holiday Poe Dameron.” Rey said after the song was over, heading back to the table and gathering her belongings.

Poe was watching her from across the room and the other officer Finn kept bugging her and asking her questions on her way out, she shushed him all the way through the door, Poe’s eyes, she could feel, trailing all the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm going to be adding more as time goes on. I'm up to chapter 13 and yes its a slow burn and a winding road but it will be worth it.


	3. Dinner and Cupcakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner as an apology and cupcake memories.

Sighing, scratching her scalp and getting up Rey made her way around the apartment, her phone buzzed. Finn replying back “ _will call in a while. Busy._ ” was all it read. Frustrated she tossed the phone on the table and walked to the bedroom, hoping that a shower would make her feel better and relax she let the water warm up, shucked her clothes and stood under the hot stream for a good long while.

Taking her time, she shampooed and conditioned her hair and pampered herself a bit. Her fingertips were prunes by the time she was through and toweling off she admitted she felt better. Dressing in leggings and an oversized knit sweater she walked back to the kitchen going about her afternoon routine, Chewie and Bee-bee curling around her legs as they knew it was dinner time for them.

Getting the cats their food, she was startled to find a sign hanging off a hook dangling over her balcony.

“Sorry about earlier. Make it up…. Dinner now?” it read. Despite her disbelief she smiled a bit. That was the Poe she remembered from the military. Having learned not to pass up a free meal she took out a marker from the junk drawer and walked to the balcony door, snagging it she wrong “sure, be right up” and tugged on the note.

Watching it rise and disappear over the upper balcony ledge she went back in, debated changing but determined she was decently covered in her mind, and walked out to the once again, blessed close stairs.

***

Walking up the stairs she gave herself a pep talk, running through all the reasons this would go wrong and how it would end in disaster. In the end she summed up that it would be fine, Commander Dameron had never been one that would give her a bad vibe, nor did he ever make her uncomfortable. A quick dinner maybe talk for a bit and then she’d hightail it back to her apartment to get ready for work.

Knocking on the door it was promptly open. Poe stood beside it allowing her to enter. He took in the faint scent of something sweet and citrusy. He found he liked it. Rey walked into his apartment, she was wearing flip-flops, leggings and a sweater that could fit two of her in it.

“So, is that your creative way of apologizing for the elephants earlier?” Rey asked, noticing the fishing pole by the balcony door. “Where did you even get that, I didn’t know you liked to fish?”

“I got it as a gag gift upon retirement. Some of our fellow officers thought I was too uptight and could use some relaxation. Never thought I would use it. Glad I didn’t toss it in the dumpster before I left base the last time.”

“Your fellow officers, they haven’t been mine for a long time.” Rey replied in small voice, clearing her throat slightly. “So dinner huh?”

“Yeah I figured it was the least I could do from waking you from your nap, the furniture delivery wasn’t supposed to happen until tomorrow, but it got moved up for some reason or another. But I promise no more of that it should be the last time. I got what I needed. So, food, pizza? Chinese?”

“Pizza please.” Rey replied surveying the apartment. It was spartan in furnishings; TV and TV stand, a couch, folding card table and a couple of folding chairs for a dinner area, the bedroom seemed sparse too, dresser, bed (brand new she noted), and a nightstand.

“Ya want pepperoni or?” Poe asked watching her look around the apartment. He was a bachelor, spent damn near two decades in the service, he didn’t exactly have a lot of time to accumulate stuff.

“Pepperoni would be great.” Rey turned back to him and smiled a bit. He could see the bags under her eyes, she looked thinner than she had been in the military. She kept a distance between them he noticed.

“Great, have a seat, I don’t have cable yet, but I do have some movies, I’ll get the pizza ordered and we can catch up.” Poe said, stepping into the kitchen and grabbing his phone, finding the app he ordered a pizza and some desserts for delivery and just as he was setting down his phone, he got a response from Jameson. Finn, the guys name is Finn, he had to remind himself so used to calling people by their last names.

“ _What do you want? Why do you keep asking me questions I’m never going to answer?”_ Finn had responded.

Poe sent back “ _Because I found her, she’s in my apartment building. I need answers, you know I’ve looked for her for the last five years. Even the damn detective I hired couldn’t find her._ ”

He set the phone down and headed for the couch area.

Rey had found a movie and popped it on, some space opera with a big “walking carpet” as the princess in the film referred to the creature. Sitting down on the opposite end of the couch Poe turned slightly towards her, she was tense, unsure of how to sit and handle all this.

“So, it’s been a long while, five years. What’s been happening?” Poe asked, hoping for a neutral subject.

“Oh, a little of this, a little of that. Spent three years bouncing around and then ended up here, job landed in my lap and I couldn’t pass it up. What about you?” She responded still sidestepping unasked topics.

“Oh well let’s see I left on that assignment, got delayed longer than expected, got back, you were gone. Asked questions, got threated with NJP for asking questions, got transferred to a new command for new projects, had a few things happened, got retired early, wound up here.” It was Poe’s turn to sidestep a few topics.

“Why ask about me?” Rey asked, confusion furrowing her brow.

“Because you were my friend, we had plans for after I came back and I come back, you were gone, it was like you never existed at the damn command and Jameson was not answering any of my questions.” Poe mentioned, it wasn’t much but they had planned on just grabbing a beer and chilling for the night out on the town, but it was something. Could have gotten them into trouble but Poe was never one to really care about that.

“I’m sorry. So, what brings you to this town? Of all the places to move why here?” Rey said offering a simple apology.

“I don’t know if I can answer that honestly” he said shrugging “I felt drawn here, every time I started thinking of places to go, I kept on being drawn back to this town. Settled on this building. Had a few offers for a job in the area and decided to give it ago. Worse that happens, I don’t like it, will leave and move somewhere else.”

“Sounds good, I can see the draw here, lots of” Her sentence interrupted by a knock at the door.

“That will be the pizza, let me grab it.” Poe moving from the couch and Rey followed suit to head toward the kitchen. Poking around in the cabinets Rey found no plates and only a few cups. Grabbing two of them down and the roll of paper towels she went over towards the card table. Poe came around the corner looking at Rey.

“Efficient as ever, I’m afraid I have water or beer for drinks. Pick your poison.”

“I’ll grab some water, thanks.” Rey said heading to the fridge.

“Awesome, will you grab me a beer?” Rey nodded, having gotten their drinks Poe and she headed back to the card dinning table. Raising one eyebrow in question to Poe about the table.

“I’m a bachelor, sue me.” Poe responded to the unspoken question.

They ate in silence, almost uncomfortable. Thousands of things to ask or be said flowing through both of their minds. Finally settling on saying nothing and just eating. After two slices apiece Poe reached behind the open box and pulled out the dessert he had ordered with the meal, remembering Rey had a weakness for sweets.

“Got room for dessert?” He asked offering her the box.

“Maybe a little.” Rey said, looking in the box and seeing two cupcakes, one chocolate and one strawberry and chocolate. “I’ll split one with you.” She offered.

“Sure, I think I have a couple of forks.” Poe said getting up and heading to the kitchen.

Rey sat there and was a little shocked that Poe remembered she liked sweets. Seemed like such a small thing to remember about a person. She was reminded of an incident that occurred at their second command together, her, Finn and Poe. Poe had just been promoted, turns out again, to Lieutenant Commander, there had been a small reception the Officers mess had put together, it had involved these delicate cupcakes from a bakery one command member’s wife owned.

Those cupcakes had been so fantastic, they had all been having a good time and a few were left over, Finn had been harassing her and egging her on, she had finally picked up one of the remaining cupcakes to shove in his face to get him to stop talking but he ducked and she ended up smashing it all over Poe’s face.

The collective gasp that went through the mess, Rey figured she was going to be in serious trouble, the commanding officer of the command was there of all the people to be there, he chose that day to be there. She was always uncomfortable around Commander Ren but his suckup underlings Lt Phasma and Lt Hux were worse.

Poe had taken it like a champ, simply wiping the cupcake off and laughing it off.

Coming out of the memory, Rey smiled a small smile to herself. She saw Poe looking at her, it was his turn to arch his eyebrow.

“Do you remember the incident with the cupcake? At your re-promotion celebration?” Rey asked looking Poe in the eye.

“Gee I dunno Rey.” Poe said, “Its not every day you forget someone smashing you in the face in general, even more so when it involves food.” Finishing with a teasing look.

“Oh I knew you would, I was mortified. The CO was in there, I figured I would be NJPed on the spot.”

“I remember, you were nervous for weeks, after wards. Then someone else screwed up and all was forgotten, well except by me. Fairly sure I smelled cupcake for weeks after that.”

Rey groaned and put her face in her hands. She had been nervous for weeks, eventually someone else screwed up and took the watchful eyes of the Commander Ren and his lackeys off her. Pretty sure those three were the cause of a lot of people’s problems.

“Come on, lets have dessert.” Poe said, sitting down handing her a plastic fork. Taking small bites from the strawberry and chocolate cupcake they shared, chatting mildly as they went. Poe told her of a few of the officers they had both been friends with and what had happened in their lives after she left.

Finishing the cupcake and cleaning up, Rey stood to make excuses to leave, citing work and all to get ready for. Poe nodded understanding and walking her to the door. He moved to give her a hug, like he had so many times before, and she visibly tensed up. He backed off and offered her a fist bump instead.

Opening the door Rey said goodbye and stepped through it, walking the building hallway she opened the door for stair access Poe watching all the way. Stepping back into his apartment and closing the door he walked back to the kitchen and saw his phone flash with a message. Finn had texted him back.

“ _What do you mean, in your apartment building? Where are you now?”_ Finn questioned.

“ _I’ll do you one better, she just left my apartment. What happened all those years ago when I was gone? We were all fine, maybe a little more than fine, I left, I come back, she’s gone, you’re tightlipped and not sharing so much as to whether she’s alive or dead. What. Happened?”_ Poe responded, hoping to jog Finn’s memory.

“ _Did you really look for her all this time?”_ came the response.

“ _No man, I spent the last five years getting my ass in trouble with Admiral Organa, spending thousands of dollars, hounding you and even asking questions when I was laid up after the crash. OF COURSE, I SEARCHED FOR HER! She was my friend, I cared about her, a lot was I supposed to just let her disappear?_ ” Poe responded getting frustrated with the short conversation that he knew was going nowhere. He was tempted to toss his phone out the balcony window seeing if he could make it into the neighboring buildings dumpster, but he set it back down and decided to go for a walk.


	4. Memories from Poe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe relives memories and how they got to be here.

Poe stalked back and forth on the roof. He probably would have better luck if he just went to walk around the block, but he didn’t want to. Pacing about the roof like a caged lion suited him better. He didn’t understand why Finn was being so secretive about Rey, it still annoyed him after all these years. They had all been friends, after that first slip up at the command holiday party, they had all started hanging out. The pacing continued at the same pace as Poe got lost in memories.

Their friendship had developed fast and soon one was always around one of the others. Sure, Rey and Finn had been friends before Poe entered the scene but Poe never felt like he had been intruding on anything or been a third wheel.

There never was any uncomfortableness between them, all those years, all those assignments and then one simple change and it all fell to hell in a hand-basket. Those years had been some of Poe’s greatest. He had no fear of getting in trouble for fraternization, not that that stopped him before, but he managed to build a lot of relationships during the temporary bust down in rank he went through. His best one he would say was with Rey, and Finn as a bi-product.

After the first command, a stair-step command really, they were all assigned to a new command. A joint use command. This had air, ground and water support, nothing like it had been put together before but it operated well. While Poe had been assigned to the air portion of the command because you know, he could fly anything, Finn had been assigned to operations and Rey had been assigned to ground. In the beginning they stayed in their respective areas until it was time to start getting ready to forward deployment. They all broke down into smaller groups, officers were assigned in threes to a squad of troops, Finn, Poe and Rey were all assigned together.

That set up had served them well, Poe took to the air, Finn stayed at command keeping an eye on operations and the ground from the live feed that Poe was transmitting back, and Rey took lead on the ground. She had a knack at efficiency and out of twenty missions she led, she only lost two soldiers, that entire time. Best odds in entire command for survival were with her. The battles were stressful but the outcome with them was even better. Unlike with Hux, Phasma and Malarus squad. Their numbers were beyond demoralizing. Then Malarus crashed and their entire operation got sideline. Rumor was she had crashed trying to one up what Poe would do in the air. That whole squad was sidelined.

Right after that there had been a little downtime, not much, a few days but anything is a reprieve, Poe, Finn and Rey hung out on the makeshift base, watching movies, chatting, and making plans. They all knew this special project was close to a wrap up and they would be going back to be funneled into new commands but would still be remaining local in case the need arose that the special project would be required to be called back together. One late night while watching a movie, Finn had passed out as he always seemed to and it left Rey and Poe watching a movie everyone on base had seen countless times, something about wuv, twoo wuv.

Poe and Rey were discussing the return to the States. Both had been looking forward to sleeping in their own beds and not on military cots. “I think what I’m most excited about is the possibility of showering for an hour and not running out of hot water.” Rey said, she loved the value of a good shower, plus anything that would finally get all that sand out of her hair would be okay with her.

“Yeah I was just thinking something other than base food would be fantastic.” Poe said watching Rey.

“Oh some good coffee and a huge slice of chocolate cake would be divine.” Rey countered, gaze flicking between Poe and the movie.

“I think it does. Hey Rey, maybe when we get back, we could go get that coffee and cake together?”

Rey turned toward him; confusion evident on her face. “Well yes, why wouldn’t we, I figured we all would.”

“Well I was thinking maybe you and I just could, maybe even after say dinner?”

“Why Commander Dameron are you asking me out on a date?” Rey said, faintly blushing and smiling that glorious smile of hers.

“Why yes Lieutenant Skywalker, I do believe I am.” Poe returned with that slow easy smile of his.

“You’re not afraid of the rules? I mean, you’re skating on thin ice as is hanging in here with Finn and I instead of the other commanders and above.”

“Nah, besides all the other commanders are stuffy and boring and all they want to do is talk politics, and more of that ilk. Rules will be null if you’re at another command like we will be going back to, we’ll all be going our separate ways. What to you say? If you don’t want to no harm, but I think it could be fun.” Poe finished, he took his shot, now he wondered if he had a score or is going to crash in a burning heap. However, with the last few months of watching Rey when she didn’t think he knew she was looking, he was betting on score.

Rey looked off into the distance and worried her bottom lip a bit, weighing the options as always. Eventually she looked back to Poe and gave him a bit of a smirk and nodded her head. “Yes, I will go have coffee and cake with you, after dinner. Just you, though right?”

“Yes, just me, we can drag Finn along later.” Poe replied, flashing a smile. Elated that she had said yes to him.

They went back to watching the movie in an excitable silence, not wanting to plan anymore and jinx anything until they got back stateside.

A few more weeks is all they had to endure, not even a month, then they could be back stateside. Poe had really been looking forward to that, he was excited to get to plan date with Rey. Two days after the movie they got word of another command in need of a pilot, they were the closest to reinforce and CO Ren just decided to send Poe instead of one of the other five pilots. It looked like he was going to be delayed just a bit longer, he was leaving tomorrow. Poe was so royally pissed.

Not only that he was being transferred but he was being taken away from the team. They had two more runs to do, that would be two more that he wouldn’t be there to watch Rey from the air. He knew she could handle herself, she showed it countless times, but it still made him nervous. Growling in frustration he stalked off in a mood, a mood he reflected on that mirrored his current one now, slamming doors and kicking chairs.

Not really being able to do anything beyond that he headed towards his quarters to pack up, so absorbed in the frustration that he didn’t see Rey until he rammed right into her.

“Rey, stars I’m sorry!” He said reaching out to steady her.

“Commander Dameron, are you okay?” She asked rubbing her shoulder slightly.

“No, but what about you, did I hurt you bad?”

“No, just a bump, I’ve had worse.” She replied.

“Good, you going anywhere in a hurry?”

“Nope, was headed for command center to talk with Finn about our mission tomorrow but it can wait. What’s going on?”

Poe ran his hand over his neck, rubbing his suddenly sore muscles. “Come with me” was all he said, breaking all sorts of protocol when he grabbed her hand and drug her towards his quarters. Not letting Rey’s hand go until they got to his quarters he hesitated at the door. He stopped, not sure how to approach the subject.

“I’m being transferred.” He blurted out, thinking saying it outright would be easier. It was not.

“WHAT?! Where? Why?” Rey said, louder than she intended.

“Look I.” Just as he started to go into detail everyone in the command suddenly decided to head back towards their respective quarters it seemed. Sighing, Poe made an executive decision to open his door and pull her inside.

“Look I don’t know the answers to those other than I know I’m going to fill in for another squadron who needs a pilot and can’t get one from the states quickly enough.”

“But we aren’t done here, we still have two more missions.” Rey said. “What are Finn and I supposed to do?”

“It’ll be okay, you still have Finn and Finn still has you, the mission will go off perfectly fine no matter who is flying above you.” Poe said, pacing around, mind racing trying to put together a list of what needed to be done, packing being one of those things, thankfully he always packed light.

Rey looked lost; Poe realized when he stopped moving for five seconds. Walking over to her he wrapped her up in a tight hug. “I know this is a blow, but I know this is only supposed to be for a month at most, so while you will be back in the states a few weeks before me and get to enjoy that time I’ll be right behind you. Just don’t enjoy any cake without me okay?” He asked, blurting all that out afraid that he overstepped, and she was going to be super uncomfortable and then he felt her arms close around him. She pulled him against her tightly and Poe knew he was lost.

“Okay” she said into his ear, “no cake until you get back. Just come back quickly.”

“I will, I promise I will come back as fast as I can.” Poe responded, pulling back slightly and looking into those hazel eyes that he was starting to realize would be his undoing. An idea had flashed in his mind and he knew it was going to be a huge gamble, but he took it. Holding her gaze for one more moment he went for it. Poe pulled her back into him and kissed her. Just a simple kiss but one full of promise.

Poe figured he had about three seconds before she either enjoyed the kiss or slapped me. Rey thankfully kissed him back. Breaking apart after another second Poe rested his forehead against hers. Wondering what he just did, and then realizing everything and that he still had to pack he stepped back. Looking at Rey he reached up and pushed one of the errant strands of hair behind her ear.

“I promise we will get to have cake and coffee soon.” He said, “Right now I need to pack and get ready to go. Everything will be okay.” Sounding more like he was reassuring himself instead of her.

“Everything will be okay.” Rey echoed, she looked down at her watch and noticed the time. “Shit! I got to go; Finn was expecting me. Take care of yourself, flyboy, I’ll be waiting.”

That was all she said before she was walking out his door. Poe could tell everything had shifted but he wasn’t sure how much everything had shifted.

Shaking loose of the memories Poe realized his pace had slowed, his anger dissipating, then it slowly started to burn again, this time at himself. He almost forgot they had kissed. It hadn’t been long; it hadn’t left either breathless, but it had given hope. Poe had been missing that hope for a long time, knowing that Rey probably didn’t feel that anymore anger turned to depression.

Coming to a stand still he wondered if there was any chance of salvaging anything. Maybe there is a bit of hope she had had dinner with him, but answers would help him along. He just hoped he could convince Finn to talk to him eventually.


	5. Memories From Rey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey explores her memories and we get a clue into what she is hiding.

Rey headed back to her apartment and paced around. Usually she would go up and sit on the roof or walk around up there. Not an option tonight, she had been avoiding it since Poe showed back up in her life. She started to question her sanity at accepting his dinner invite. He seemed so much like the Poe Dameron she knew so long ago but also different. He was stiffer, not as relaxed.

She decided she needed to stop beating herself up, she had dinner with him, it wasn’t a date, it didn’t mean anything. Although she did have cake for the first time in five years. Heavens how she missed that food, she couldn’t bring herself to eat it for years, it reminded her too much of the promise that had been ripped to shreds.

Settling in for what seemed to be a sleepless night Rey changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth. Crawling into her bed noticing Bee-bee and Chewie had taken their usual positions in bed, Chewie on the pillow and Bee-bee was stretched across the bed. She picked up the book she had on the nightstand, a simple romance novel, something to just try and pass time. She burned through a lot of those books with the sleepless nights.

Rey must have not been paying close attention when she picked this one out, it involved a fighter pilot and female who needed help. She avoided those types usually, it reminded her too much of the past. She kept trying to focus on the book, but she could not. Memories from five years ago coming to the surface. Not having the will to fight them tonight she just let the memories come, no matter how tired she would be in the morning, she would be a lot more so if she fought them.

The special command that had been put together had been many things, easy was not one of them. Exciting it definitely was. A combination of land, air and sea basically and when the teams were broken down even further Rey, Poe and Finn were on one team, along with a few other officers but the majority of the team worked, but with those three on mission things went smoothly.

Poe always flew, he was able to feed the mission into operations post for Finn to review and call out anything he might see while Rey led from the ground. She was lucky, she refused to sit behind and let someone else take lead, no, sitting back did not suit her then. She led from the front, right up there with the rest of the squad. The rest of the squad had immense respect for her due to her wanting to be in the thick of it.

The whole run of the special assignment she only lost two people, her grouping had a better record than Hux, Phasma and Malarus, she remembered sneering. The two people lost broke her heart to this day, one should technically have still been here, but he had shoved her out of the way. Rey was thankful but had wished for a different outcome for years.

They had finally gotten some down time, not long but just a few days before the last missions were set to run for the special command and then they were going back to the States, Rey would be going to a new command as would Finn and Poe. Not all together but separate. She had been thinking of the few close calls she had and how it had started a check in of sorts with Poe and Finn before they left and when they got back. Poe and Rey would hug before they headed off, Poe would fist bump with Finn and Rey would hug Finn. Then after they all go back, they would unwind in the mess and talk and ease the stress of the mission off.

A few of the times she had had a close call and she knew Poe had known it because he would make it a point to find her before they all met up in the mess together and look her over, as if he had to double check with his own eyes despite knowing the final call of the mission was zero casualties.

There was one night during the down time Poe, Finn and she were watching a movie, it was a favorite though easily, seen time and time again so no need to really pay attention. Finn was passed out as Finn usually is during movies. Poe was sitting with her on a makeshift couch. They were talking softly about things they missed and what they were going to do when they get back to the States.

“I’m going to shower, I miss mine, I will probably stay in the shower until my skin falls off.” Rey said. “Especially just to get the sand out of my hair.”

They talked about how they missed their respective beds. A person could sleep anywhere if they were tired enough, but even military cots got tiresome. Poe was thinking that something other than base food was going to taste fantastic. All Rey could think about was cake and coffee, good cake and coffee.

“Some good coffee and some chocolate cake sounds divine right about now.” Rey said, she kept trying to watch the movie, but she kept failing wanting to look at Poe. She found herself doing that more and more lately.

“I think it does. Hey Rey, maybe when we get back, we could go get that coffee and cake together?” Poe asked.

Rey was startled, she turned towards Poe and gave him her full attention, not even attempting to care about the movie anymore. It sounded a lot like Poe was asking her out on a date, in the quiet hours of the night alone in her quarters she dreamed of this, occasionally. She confessed to Finn before all this special command started, she thought she might have a crush on Poe. Never acting on it because she didn’t want to upset their friendship.

“Well yes, why wouldn’t we, I figured we all would.” Rey responded trying to feel out the waters. Maybe he meant as a group.

“Well I was thinking maybe you and I just could, maybe even after say dinner?” Poe continued, looking at her intently, he obviously wasn’t focused on the movie either.

Rey swallowed, nope definitely was asking her for a date. She wanted to say yes but she didn’t want to get anyone in trouble also.

“Why Commander Dameron are you asking me out on a date?” Rey said, feeling her cheeks burn and she couldn’t quite keep the smile from her face.

“Why yes Lieutenant Skywalker, I do believe I am.” Poe returned with that slow easy smile of his, his brown eyes staring back at her.

“You’re not afraid of the rules? I mean, you’re skating on thin ice as is hanging in here with Finn and I instead of the other commanders and above.” Rey knew the rules, also knew Poe didn’t particularly care about the rules but also none of them could afford to get in trouble. She was still on edge about the cupcake incident from years ago. Hux and Phasma seemed to just want her to mess up and CO Ren seemed to take pleasure in cornering her and asking her questions about the incident, not letting it die.

“Nah, besides all the other commanders are stuffy and boring and all they want to do is talk politics, and more of that ilk. Rules will be null if you’re at another command like we will be going back to, we’ll all be going our separate ways. What to you say? If you don’t want to no harm, but I think it could be fun.” Poe looked her dead in the eye, he was waiting for her answer.

Rey couldn’t help but be excited. She didn’t want to let it show too much and she knew she was biting her bottom lip again but eventually she looked back at Poe and gave him a bit of a cocky grin and nodded her head. “Yes, I will go have coffee and cake with you, after dinner. Just you, though right?”

“Yes just me, we can drag Finn along later.” Poe replied, flashing a smile. Rey couldn’t believe her luck, Poe finally asked her out.

They went back to watching the movie in an excitable silence, Rey not wanting to push luck any more.

Two days later Rey was gearing up for one of the last two missions her team would have. She was walking to meet Finn in operations to go over plans before the final meeting between the rest of the team. She was rounding the corner when she was slammed into by Poe who plowed into her with a hefty amount of force.

“Rey, stars I’m sorry!” He said reaching out to steady her, keeping her upright. Damn it had hurt she thought.

“Commander Dameron, are you okay?” She asked rubbing her shoulder slightly, worried about what was going on with him more than her shoulder hurting.

“No, but what about you, did I hurt you bad?” Fear evident in his eyes. He was afraid he had hurt her badly and she could see that.

“No, just a bump, I’ve had worse.” She replied, she wasn’t going to let her shoulder cause him any more issues, not when he seemed to be carrying a bit of them currently.

“Good, you going anywhere in a hurry?”

“Nope, was headed for command center to talk with Finn about our mission tomorrow but it can wait. What’s going on?”

Rey watched Poe rub his neck and was just about to ask if it was hurting worried that something might affect the mission when suddenly he reached for her hand and said, “Come with me.” Knowing they were breaking all sorts of protocol but following willingly she let him tug her behind him until she realized they were back in officers’ quarters area. Eventually coming to rest outside of his door. Poe hesitated, obviously not sure how to approach the subject. Rey found it to be highly unusual for the great Poe Dameron to be flustered.

“I’m being transferred.” He said rather quickly, shocking both of them.

“WHAT?! Where? Why?” Rey basically shouted, or at least it sounded like that to her in the small hallways.

Poe had started to explain but it seemed that right at that time everyone decided it was time to show up at their quarters for some reason or another. Rey was getting a little miffed at her colleagues when she heard Poe’s door being opened.

Poe pulled her inside and shut the door, Rey knew she should care about who might have seen her go into a superior officer’s room, but she couldn’t bring her self to worry about it now.

“Look I don’t know the answers to those other than I know I’m going to fill in for another squadron who needs a pilot and can’t get one from the states quickly enough.”

“But we aren’t done here, we still have two more missions.” Rey said. “What are Finn and I supposed to do?”

“It’ll be okay, you still have Finn and Finn still has you, the mission will go off perfectly fine no matter who is flying above you.” Poe said. He started to pace; Rey wished she could move but she seemed rooted to the floor. All she knew is that she was worried, she was upset, they were so close to the end. Rey was frustrated, but she was projecting worry and evidently that was what her face showed too

Poe stopped pacing and crossed the room to her. He wrapped her in a tight hug and said “I know this is a blow, but I know this is only supposed to be for a month at most, so while you will be back in the states a few weeks before me and get to enjoy that time I’ll be right behind you. Just don’t enjoy any cake without me okay?”

Rey wasn’t sure what to do at that moment, she wanted to believe what he said, but she wasn’t sure. But it felt so nice to be hugged by him, she always enjoyed being hugged by him. It took her a moment to wrap her arms around him and could feel him relax a little. She hugged him closer and breathed in the scent of him. “Okay” she said into his ear, “no cake until you get back. Just come back quickly.”

“I will, I promise I will come back as fast as I can.” Poe responded; he didn’t break the hug but he did pull back slightly. Rey could tell his dark eyes were searching for something in hers, whatever it was she hopped he found it. A second later she realized he must have because his mouth was on hers. Not forceful, not probing, just a kiss, full of hope, full of promise and Rey kissed him back.

Poe was the one to break this kiss, he leaned his forehead against hers, she was lost cause now and she knew it. “I promise we will get to have cake and coffee soon.” He said pushing a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. “Right now, I need to pack and get ready to go. Everything will be okay.”

Rey wasn’t sure who he was reassuring, himself or her but either way she understood. “Everything will be okay.” Agreeing with his statement. She looked down at her watch and grimaced when she read the time.

“Shit! I got to go, Finn was expecting me. Take care of yourself, flyboy, I’ll be waiting.” She wanted to stay and say more but she had a meeting, he had to pack. It wouldn’t be too long before they were all back together again.

Walking out Poe’s door Rey knew things had changed, she wasn’t sure how or why yet. But she knew that things were going to be different. She headed off down to meet Finn for their meeting.

Trying to get the memories to stop there, at a happy time, a good time, a hopeful time Rey realized she was sitting in her bed, in her one bedroom apartment, her two cats passed out beside her both of them blissfully unaware of the heartache their mistress was experiencing, or the tears falling down her face.

Readjusting and curling up under the covers Rey prayed for sleep, she didn’t want the memories to continue but she knew that there was a good chance she was going to relive it again. Rey had been right; everything had shifted after that stolen kiss and the promise of a future date. Shifted right off the scale of “this can’t be really happening” except it did, and it turned into a nightmare.

Rey didn’t blame Poe for it but she definitely knew who was to blame for it. She knew she still carried loathing for all three of them, she felt such a severe distain of them it made her chest burn. Commanding Officer Ren, Lieutenant Hux and Lieutenant Phasma. Even with one of them dead now she couldn’t say she felt bad for what any of them had gone through afterwards. She just wishes sometimes she could have been the one to have pulled the trigger. They were the reason she was in this mess; they had been the cause of it all. Had they just kept their own aspirations away from her, especially since she had never been a threat, maybe she would have still be in the military?

She pondered that question a moment, no, she would not have been in still, she had figured it was time for her to move on to a new challenge after seeing what they did. But one thing was damn sure, had they left her alone and left her out of their stupid little games they were always playing she would have been the one thine she desperately wanted to be again.

Whole, without scars, both the mental and physical kind.


	6. Poe Gets A Little Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out what kind of car Poe drives, Finn makes an appearance and answers are had, but more questions arise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thank you to those that have read this so far. I promise I am wrapping this up. A huge thank you to my besties Gert and Miranda, and Becky you guys rock, thanks for supporting my crazy ideas.

Rey walked in the door dead tired from work the next day. Memories, hopes and dreams of what could have been weighed heavily on her mind all day. She spent most of the morning meeting starring out the window completely missing several questions aimed at her. Giving scratches to Chewie and Bee-bee who greeted her. Setting her bag down next to her keys and phone startled when the phone started ringing.

Rey was ready to ignore it but then she saw that it was Finn. She figured she was in for a quick run down about the most recent girlfriend, but also wanted to talk to him.

“Hey Finn, whats up?” She said moving over to the balcony opening the door and sliding the screen in place, letting some of the fall air into the apartment.

“Hey Rey, I hear you have an interesting new neighbor.” Finn’s voice came through the phone.

“Yah, that was a little more than a shock, wasn’t sure I was ever going to be ready for something like that but its not so bad although I haven’t done more than seen him twice and had a very strained dinner once. That’s about all that is new in my life, how about yours?” Hoping to move the conversation along away from her newest neighbor. She wasn’t sure exactly what his work schedule was like since when she left for work and came home his car was in his assigned spot in the parking garage. A gorgeous orange convertible ZL1 Chevy Camaro.

“So what are you going to do? Going to move again? The last time you thought you even saw anyone from your military days you jumped ship and headed to another town.” Finn obviously wasn’t going to let the topic change, he figured it was time Rey quit running from the past and accept life was screwed up sometimes. Plus he remembered what Poe and Rey had collectively wanted and worked toward, they both had confided in him that they were developing crushes on each other, he was trying his best to constantly fall asleep during those movies so they would have time to themselves. Especially since it was usually only them in the movie room, occasionally there was someone else but not often.

“I don’t think so, not this time. I can’t afford to. I finally have a job and cats that I don’t want to haul off and I can’t really afford to have them hopping around. I’m going to stay put. Besides, Poe said he didn’t know whether he was staying or not, said he would try out jobs and decide.” Rey said, not really putting any thought to it.

Finn was surprised to hear that, Poe had told him that he had searched for her for five years, went as far as to send him the name of the private detective he had hired to try and find her. Finn called him up and the guy confirmed that he had never been able to find her despite being on retainer and searching for her for three plus years.

“So you’re staying, do you have any other close friends there?”

“No, there are a few people who I have drinks with occasionally after work. Why are we talking about me? I seem to remember asking you a question and usually you can’t help but talk about your new love interest and even go as far as not talking to me for months at a time because of the new person.” Rey finished a little irritated, but what she said was true, Finn dropped out of her life for months at a time lately whenever the new lover showed up. She was tired of being put to the side and ignored. Yeah, she didn’t have a lot of people in her life, but people asked a lot of uncomfortable questions, even when told she doesn’t want to discuss it they kept pressing.

“Hey, Rey, chill, we’re fine, Liza and I are good. I was calling because I just got back and debriefed from an assignment. Had very limited contact. You know how it goes, do you really think I ignore you purposefully?” Finn asked, realizing a little belatedly that yes he did.

“Yes I do think you ignore me purposefully, it started when you first started dating Candy, and then when you moved on to Michelle, and then there was the brunette in between Michelle and Mara, you might not do it wholly on purpose but you do, do it. I know that I asked you to call but I am really tired and would like to lay down a bit before dinner so can I let you go and we can talk later maybe?”

“Sure Rey that’s fine, I’ve got to go I have a date with Liza tonight. I’m sorry you feel like I ignore you all the time, I don’t mean to. Before I hang up I want to ask you one thing and then I’m going to go. Do you know that Commander Dameron searched for you for five years after you left?” And with that last bit out, Finn followed through with his promise, he hung up.

Rey pulled the phone away from her ear to look at it. Surely she hadn’t heard Finn right, Poe had searched for her for five years? Why? She pondered it for a bit moving into her bedroom and flopping down on her bed, Chewie and Bee-bee hot on her heels. “Hey guys” she said petting them both, “what do you think, think he would really look for me five year after the promise of one flimsy date and one quick kiss?” Bee-bee chirped his response, Chewie headbutted her hand with his.

Laying on the bed for a while longer, Rey didn’t sleep but she did feel a little better, she did hope she would sleep tonight. “Alright guys, what do you say, how about dinner?” Rey said to the cats, well Chewie anyway since Bee-bee was off running around looking for his catnip toy.

***

Poe was watching TV when his phone chimed. He hadn’t had a lot on his plate for today since he had final interviews today and tomorrow for a few jobs, he was trying to decide which ones he really wanted to do, including the one which involved flying again. He wasn’t going to lie, he was excited about that prospect.

Picking up his phone he saw he had a message from Finn “ _Calling you in five.”_ Was all it read. Poe looked at the message with curiosity and suspicion. This could go one of two ways, really good, or really bad. Well maybe there was a third way where Finn tells him he’s blocking his number and to not bother Rey again.

Sure enough five minutes later his phone started ringing. Poe stared at it for a moment before answering it. “Hello, Finn?”

“Hey Commander how’s it going?” Finn responded.

“It’s just Poe now, not in anymore, no need to be formal.” Poe responded. “It’s going well, how are you?”

“Can’t complain, so I called the guy you told me to get into contact with, he confirmed your story, you really did search for her for five years, including the last year when you were in and laid up in the hospital most of the time. What I don’t understand is why? Why search for her?”

Poe rubbed the back of his neck, so this was not an all out no answer from Finn, maybe he could get some answers yet. “I searched for her because before I got forced to help that other command at the end of our assignment with the special command she and I had made plans to go on a date and before I left we shared a kiss and a promise”

“A plan of a date, a kiss and a promise? _THAT_ is why you were looking for her for five years? I don’t get it, you’re not a bad looking guy, you could have any woman, plenty of them at the commands, officer and enlisted alike would have loved to have you ask them out. I don’t buy it.” Finn responded, that sounded way too outlandish, no way the Poe Dameron who made women do double-takes and men feel inferior had held off dating just because of Rey. “Must have been one hell of a promise.”

“Hell Finn all I know is I was half in love with her before the special command got put together then hanging out with her and spending downtime with her while deployed out there I realized I was more than half. As for the others yeah, we planned for a date specifically dinner, coffee and a cake. Then the day before I left and I broke the news to her we shared a quick kiss in my quarters and we both made a promise of no cake until I got back. I haven’t had cake in five years before the dinner I had with her the other night.”

“Wait, she went to your quarters before you left?” Fin asked, he hadn’t known that even five years ago. Rey never told even him, her best friend. After Poe had left things had quickly changed. Their entire squad had been separated, then there were the foggy areas where Rey never answered questions about that involved Ren, Hux and Phasma.

“Yeah, I pulled her into my quarters after I broke the news that I was being assigned to another command, she had gotten a little loud in her response to my telling her. Nothing happened except for a kiss, I swear, we kissed really fast and then we promised about the cake. Which I realize is silly but that was all that happened. She was in and out of there quick, we weren’t even in there for five minutes.” Poe stopped when he realized he was rambling.

The dots were beginning to connect for Finn. If he was right, and he had a feeling that he was ninety-nine percent sure he was, this dealt with the terrible trio. They had made life hell for everyone, but Rey seemed to be on the worst receiving end of it, scuttlebutt around the command had been that part of it was that Commanding Officer Ren, despite his position in the command, was enamored with her and kept on pestering her to date him. Follow-up to that rumor was that Rey always turned him down.

“Poe, what do you know about after you left to go replace that other pilot?”

“Not much, Admiral Organa wouldn’t answer me nor would she let me see the files after I left stating the command was done and after I left it had been no more of my concern.”

Finn let out a low whistle, more parts of all of this were starting to slide into place. Poe’s departure, the squad changes, and the subsequent catastrophic failure that lead to Rey’s injury and departure. Now Finn was definitely feeling like an ass, yes he was Rey’s best friend but maybe some of her long standing suffering could have been avoided if he had just answered some of Poe’s questions instead of blowing him off.

“Oh man, okay, Poe, you’re working blind with what you knew from after you left. I’m going to fill you in, but I’m not going to fill in everything because a lot of that is Rey’s story but I will tell you what happened between your departure and the final missions. You ready for this? It’s not going to be easy and you’re not going to like the information I share.” Finn was giving Poe one last out to walk away without the knowledge.

Poe looked at the phone and wondered when exactly hell had frozen over because suddenly, he was getting answers that he has been in pursuit of for five years. Reaching up and loosing his tie he still had around his neck Poe had to admit he didn’t think this day would ever come. “Tell me, please.” Was all he said, waiting, literally on edge of the couch for answers.

Finn took a deep breath and released it slowly. He was quite sure he was breaking at least four operational commands let alone a direct order from the Admiral, and probably Rey’s trust slightly but some things needed to be told.

“We met up with you on the tarmac before you headed out. All saying our goodbyes. You were certain that everything would be fine and wished us luck on the few remaining missions, mentioned something I didn’t understand about cake. Then loaded up in the transport and left. Rey was really sad, like uncharacteristically so for her. We went back and headed in for the next mission brief and that’s when things really started to change.

“Before we got to the mission brief, Ren’s assistant came looking for Rey, he told her Ren wanted to see her, an urgent matter he said. So, Rey went, she showed back up in time for the mission brief looking like someone had just told her the world ran out of chocolate. Then the major news was dropped, our team was being scrapped. Our squad was no more. I was in shock and Rey didn’t look surprised but was starting to look pissed. I was sent to Tico’s team and Rey was sent to Hux and Phasma’s team.

“I can’t tell you everything that transpired all I can tell you is that the mission did not go well, Phasma ended up dying, I don’t think anyone is still sure whether it was enemy or friendly fire and then a short time later Rey left the military. Quickest exit in history I have ever seen. She didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want anyone to know about it. After we got back stateside, she had one last meeting with Admiral Organa and then no one was allowed to talk about it. Ren was relieved of duty and Hux lost a lot of his smugness. That’s all I can tell you and share without betraying too much of Rey’s trust.”

Finn finished letting all the information sit and marinate for a little bit, he didn’t want to hang up right away just in case Poe had more questions. After a few minutes of silence Finn was wondering if Poe was still on the line. “Um, listen, thanks Finn, I appreciate the answers, really finally I appreciate it. But why give me answers now? Is it because I’m in the same place as her? Because I swear that was totally by accident, after I got released from the hospital, I knew it was hopeless and that I never would probably find her again.”

“No, I’m giving you answers because maybe my subconscious knew before it just clicked for me now. The last five years Rey has avoided one specific food item like it would poison her. I didn’t think anything of it but then the dots connected. Poe, the last time Rey had cake was before you left to go to be the replacement pilot, the last five years she hasn’t had cake at all.

“Until you and she had dinner.”

Poe thanked him and hung up feeling a little more hopeful.


	7. Coffee, Cake & Earrings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe needs a friend in this chapter, he's having a difficult day dealing with the past. We get a clue as to what he's hiding, maybe Rey will trust him with her secrets?
> 
> A surprise decision for coffee, dinner, and walking a street fair brings comfort on a hard day.

Weeks past with Poe and Rey passing each other in the lobby or running into each other in the garage. There was no more bumping and banging from above Rey’s apartment, and Poe didn’t surprise her on the roof anymore. Rey wouldn’t say the current times were super friendly, but it was friendly.

If she was going to be honest with herself, she still had the crush on him, it wasn’t as strong as it was, but it was still there. They spoke in passing but not in depth. It was getting further into fall and for that Rey was thankful, cooler weather meant more covering up, sweaters and hoodies. Things that couldn’t reveal scars.

Week before Halloween Rey noticed a piece of paper floating outside her balcony. “Bored? Wanna come talk?” It was a weekend; she had turned down plans for work and she was getting pretty bored. She grabbed a marker out of the drawer and wrote “yes, your place or mine?” tugged on the line and it disappeared, then slowly was lowered back down. It simply said “yours, be there in a moment.” Then it was pulled back up.

Rey dashed about picking up the apartment really quick, it wasn’t necessarily messy, but it wasn’t tidy. She looked over to Chewie and Bee-bee, watching her from the one corner table. “Okay guys be nice, I have a friend coming over. Oh no! I need to change clothes” Looking down noticing she was in her pajamas still. She ran into her room, brushed her hair quickly, threw on long tank top, an oversized cardigan and some leggings, leaving her feet bare.

She finished just as there was a knock at the door. Looking over herself really quick she walked to the door, trying to even her breath. She pulled open the door and saw Poe standing there, looking relaxed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. The t-shirt fittingly read; I can fly anything. Rey smiled at that, yeah, he could fly anything.

“Hey, come on in.”

When Rey opened the door, she looked like she was out of breath and had been running around. Her cheeks were pink and when she smiled after reading his shirt Poe felt like his heart stuttered. It had been happening a lot after the phone call with Finn and seeing her in passing. He almost felt like a schoolboy again.

He moved through the doorway, waiting for her to shut the door they moved deeper into the apartment, only to be met with two very inquisitive furballs, one was orange and the other was a brown color. The orange one was weaving about his feet smelling him, the other was appraising him, Poe thought the cat seemed like it was trying to judge whether he was worthy of being in his presence.

“The brown one is Chewie and the orange one is Bee-bee. I’ve had them for about two years. Sorry I should have mentioned cats, we can go to your apartment if you’re allergic.”

“No, it’s fine, not allergic. It seems Bee-bee has approved me but I’m not so sure about Chewie he seems to be trying to judge if I’m worthy.”

“He does that. It’ll be fine, come on we can chill on the couch.” Rey said moving to the couch. Sitting down she turned the volume down on the TV. Poe moved over to the couch, all while warily watching Chewie, wondering if the cat was going to attack him. Bee-bee followed him, hopping up beside him on the couch and curling up next to him.

“Traitor.” Rey mumbled. Chewie had taken position on the arm of the couch beside Rey, still watching Poe.

Poe reached down and pet Bee-bee. “Thanks for letting me come down and hang out. I was getting bored and didn’t want to stay in the apartment any longer, but the roof is too bright currently.”  
  


“No problem, I wasn’t do anything anyway. Everything okay? Did you find a job you liked?”

“Yeah, found a job I like, I get to fly again, so it’s a great job. Everything is okay.” Poe said.

“That’s great, I’m glad you got a job you get to fly in. I know you love it.” Rey said, flipping through the TV trying to find something suitable to watch, stopping on an old adventurer movie the one with snakes, fedoras, and whips. They watched it in a soft silence for a bit.

“Yeah, the job is great. Listen I lied earlier. Everything isn’t okay. I didn’t want to be alone today. Do you mind if I hang out with you today? You don’t have any plans I’ll interrupt right?”

“No, no plans, it’s fine, you can hang out. Do you mind if I ask why you don’t want to be alone today?”

Poe swallowed unaware how this was going to affect him when he started down this path, he had simply not wanted to be alone today, he didn’t expect the reason to get him choked up like it was. He took a moment and a deep breath. “Yeah, I didn’t want to be alone today because two years ago today I was involved in a crash that kept me in the hospital for almost a year.” He saw no reason to sugarcoat or lie about it, he finished watching a range of emotions play out across her face.

Rey sat there watching Poe for a moment, taking him in. Watching him, she noticed his hair was no longer in the military cut it had been when he first showed up here, with the new growth the dark brown hair was curly, it was almost messy. “Poe, I’m sorry, I had no idea. Do you want to tell me what happened or just hang out?”

“Maybe hang out? I don’t know. This is the first time that I’ve been around anyone on the day this happens, usually I’m alone.”

“Play it by ear, gotcha.” Rey said, moving a little closer on the couch, Poe watched as she did and her cat, the one she called Chewie raised a paw to her shoulder as she was moving, Rey reached up and scratched his ear, gently reassuring him.

They sat and watched the movie, the sequel came on after that one, the one that involved a plane crash, Rey quickly changed the channel deciding there was no need to provoke extra memories for Poe. She landed on the movie that was playing the night they had decided on going on a date all those years ago. Watching it for a few minutes Rey moved a little closer to Poe on the couch, they were only separated marginally by Bee-bee who was snoring away between them, looking at the cat Rey seemed to consciously notice what she had done, moved closer to Poe.

Rey looked up at Poe and smiled a bit, Poe smiled back. “So, um, do you remember what we did the last time we watched this movie?” He asked, wondering if she did, he certainly did.

“Yeah, you decided to ask me on a date. One that was to involve dinner, coffee, and cake. We never got to go on it.” Rey said looking sad and haunted by what that meant.

“No, we did not, um, if you don’t have any plans, and I don’t have any plans tonight, maybe we could finally accomplish that date?”

Poe watched as she considered those words, it was only mid-afternoon on a Saturday, there was plenty of time for them to grab dinner and cake. He was beginning to wonder if he might have been too bold in taking that chance, they had only been passing each other and around each other for a month basically.

“You know what, I think I would, yes, let’s go on that date tonight.” Rey said finally answering him. Not sure what in the hell she was doing, taking a chance not exactly something she usually did in the recent years.

Poe smiled, she said yes for the second time. “Great, so how about I run upstairs, and you can get ready, I’ll come back in about an hour?”

“Yeah, an hour would be good. Give me enough time to feed them and get ready.”

“Okay, see you in an hour. I can let myself out, I think I know the way.” Poe said with a wink. Rey giggled and waved bye. She got up, got Chewie and Bee-bee fed, although she thought Chewie looked at her rather like he was questioning her sanity for going on the date.

Rey hadn’t been on a date in seven years. She owned very little in the way of date clothing, she owned no dresses, not even a skirt to wear to work. Leggings, jeans and slacks are what she owned. Deciding on a pair of black skinny jeans, she paired it with a soft blush colored sweater that dipped slightly in the front but not too low. Put a few curls in her hair and lightly done makeup.

Exactly an hour after Poe said he would be back there was a knock at the door. She opened the door and he was standing there in a dark green button up shirt, and dark jeans that Rey could appreciate because the gripped in all the right places and a black leather jacket that had taken the place of his flight jacket. His hair was still a touch unruly, but Rey decided that added to his charm.

Poe almost double checked the apartment number on the door to make sure he was at the correct one. The woman who opened the door, while beautiful under normal circumstances, right now was absolutely gorgeous. When she did smile at him, he was pretty sure his heart stopped. “You look, amazing.” Was all he could manage to get out, he wanted to kick himself, amazing was such a paltry word for what she really looked like to him.

“Thanks, ready? I’ll grab my purse.” She said heading back in the apartment, he stepped inside to wait for her and was met with Chewie’s appraising glare. He looked at the cat and told him “Don’t worry, I’ll have her back at a reasonable hour.” This seemed to appease the cat and Poe would swear he almost nodded.

Rey showed back up, purse slung over her body, making sure her keys were tucked safely inside she pet Bee-bee and Chewie on the way out. “What did you have in mind for tonight?” Rey asked as they walked toward the elevator to get to the garage.

“Well I figured we could do dinner, and then see where that takes us, to end up with coffee and cake at the end. Unless you have other ideas?”

“None here.” Rey said a mischievous glint in her eyes, wondering what this evening was going to play out as.

“How about Italian? One of the other pilots recommended a great place.”

“Sounds good, your car or mine?”

“Mine.”

They got to the garage and walked to where his car was parked. Rey loved his car, she had been wondering what it would be like to ride in one, especially one with the convertible top down. Poe debated slightly about possibly putting the top down, he didn’t want to mess up her hair but then she looked as if she were contemplating the same thing. Decision made then, he took the top down, walked her over to the passenger side and opened the door. Getting her settled in and then walking around to his side, he slid in, and started the car.

Rey laughed at the sound and vibration the car made being turned on. The deep rumble of the engine and purr of the exhaust definitely excited her. Poe looked over at her, enjoying the sound of her laugh and the look of happiness on her face while she did it. Heading out onto the street Poe decided to take the long way to the restaurant and put the car through its paces, he loved doing that anyway, but he figured Rey would enjoy it even more.

***

He had been right, while they arrived at the restaurant looking windblown, he had needed that. He was a little nervous about the date, today being the day that it was had been wearing on him too. At one point during the drive she had reached over and turned the radio on and listened as they drove singing along slightly. Getting settled in the booth in the back, Rey was still trying to smooth her hair down. Poe had given up on his hair after he ran his hand through it the first time out of the car.

They ordered appetizers, drinks and their entrees. They chitchatted, Poe caught her up on where he worked now, a private pilot of sorts flying everything from helicopters to jets, she told him the little bit of news she knew and finally told him what she did for a job, security analyst. He had to admit it made sense, she was good at it.

After dinner, they just drove for a little while coming upon a street festival, they decided to take a stroll through it. In the falling light of dusk, they wandered through, looking at the booths, about a quarter of the way through Rey had reached over and grasped his hand, people had been crowding slightly. Poe tugged her close and laced their fingers together, squeezing slightly. Stopping at the one booth Poe was looking at pictures of planes that he thought he might hang on the wall; he saw Rey looking at a pair of earrings at the next booth. He finished up with the gentleman at the artwork booth and caught the eye of the jewelry booth owner.

Bought and paid for the booth owner handed the earrings to Rey and offered a mirror to assist her in putting them on. She smiled and thanked the booth owner and turned toward Poe, the earrings hanging perfectly from her ears she walked over to him. Gripping his hand again she leaned up slightly and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you” was all she said. Poe squeezed her hand, “you’re welcome, come on, lets finish this and then go get that coffee and cake.”

They continued their walk through the street fair and came across a small bakery. It was still open, not overly busy but had steady stream of people coming in and buying cakes or cookies for their family’s dessert. Walking over to the display the bakery displayed plenty of choices. Poe decided on a slice of coffee cake, Rey decided upon the triple chocolate black forest cake. Cake and coffee in hand they wandered over to a table and relaxed and watched the people around them. Families coming and going, there was one other couple sitting they were older and sharing a brownie and sipping coffee, a mom and dad and baby close by, the baby was waving to everyone and then caught sight of Rey and they spent a few minutes playing peek-a-boo until the baby was distracted by someone else.

Rey and Poe were relaxed and calm for the first time in ages. They shared bites of each other’s cake and watched the world go by. If Rey was going to be honest with herself, she knew it was uncharacteristic of her to answer yes to Poe this afternoon, but she was glad she did. She hadn’t been this relaxed in years. They headed back towards Poe’s car, and Rey didn’t want to go back to her apartment, or to her worries. She had enjoyed this.

Poe was glad they had gone out; he didn’t necessarily want the night to end either. He was thankful for the distraction, thankful for Rey’s company and was happy they finally got to do this. “I know this was a long time in the making, but I’m glad we finally got to do it.” He told her as they meandered back to the car. “I really don’t want this night to end.”

“Me neither, thank you for dinner and the cake. I really am glad we got to do this too. Maybe the night doesn’t need to end yet?” Rey said, surprising herself and she couldn’t even blame the alcohol she had at dinner as that was going on four hours ago.

“No, maybe it doesn’t. What do you have in mind?”

“No idea but even if it’s just somewhere talking would be good.”

They drove around a little while and then headed back to their apartment building. Deciding to not head back to his apartment versus hers, to avoid cats was mutual. Poe laughed that Chewie made him slightly uncomfortable. That’s how they came to be seating on his couch, sitting in the low light that lamps gave off, no distractions.

Making idol chitchat Rey hit on the tender subject of him flying and his accident. “I’m glad you get to keep flying, I remember how much you loved to do that. I was sorry to hear you were involved in a crash.” Realizing just a bit late that she stuffed her foot in her mouth and did exactly what he wanted to avoid.

Poe swallowed hard, he debated telling her about it but wasn’t sure, he hadn’t really told anyone outside of the official reports and debriefing. Maybe opening up would bring him answers about her or at least would be a show of trust. Maybe earn him some trust from her and eventual stories.

Taking a deep breath, he surmised it wouldn’t really do any damage. He launched into his story.


	8. Like a Phoenix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe tells his story, shows what he's hiding, or at least shares some of his mental scars from the past. This one is not nearly as long as some others but it gets the information out there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of this moment I am super close to wrapping this up, it's looking like it will be 20 chapters, including an epilogue. Thank you for the patience and I do hope you enjoy.

“After I got back, found you gone, I started pestering Admiral Organa. To the point she threatened me with several punishments. Then when none of those stopped my pursuit of answers, she decided that a new assignment that would keep my mind occupied was in order. So, she set me up as her primary pilot in a test program. I got to test all the new planes and helicopters before they decided if they would be good for the rest of the ranks.

“It was fun, interesting, some of the stuff could really move, and I couldn’t keep count of how many times I broke the sound barrier in it, some could turn on a dime, some were meh, they flew, they weren’t anything great and then there were some that were all out duds. Over fifty different types of aircraft I tested and only one fireball. Before I continue do you want something to drink? I’m going to grab a beer.” Poe said getting up and heading to a fridge.

“Sure, a beer sounds fine.” He smiled that gorgeous smile at her and quickly retrieved the beers from the fridge. Handing one to her and then sitting back down on the couch he moved a little further towards Rey on the couch.

Leaning back, he kept the bottle in hand. “Flew it all. I enjoyed it all. I knew why Admiral Organa did it, she was trying to distract me, so I took matters into my own hands I had hired a private detective. I figured if I couldn’t get any answers from Finn or Organa, I thought I might have better luck finding you and asking you myself. I was really looking forward to that date, it had all been what kept me sane as that replacement pilot.” Poe said, pausing for a drink.

“So anyway, I hired the guy, coming up toward the end of the tour at the test command I had received a message from the private detective. He had searched for a year and a half, no you. He had no clue where you where, or even where you could have been, the only thing he told me was to take a little heart because he couldn’t find a death certificate for you. ‘That means there is still some hope, she’s at least not dead.’ With that he let me know I could hire him again at any time he would be available and hung up.” Poe was now picking at his beer label noticing Rey had only taken a sip and set the beer aside and had moved a little closer to him.

“I had been scheduled to fly that day, the plane wasn’t my favorite, hell it wasn’t even reliable, it was going to be the last flight before I told Admiral Organa to scrap it. I was going to call the flight off. I had just been told you dropped off the map, I had failed at finding you, no one still gave me answers the only thing I had that was a little hopeful was that you ‘probably weren’t dead.’ Because that was going to make me feel good.

“I didn’t call the flight off. I was angry, I figured best place to take my temper out was flying a test plane. So I did. Had I been flying one of the other ones it probably would have been a different story, one that hadn’t already had problems and hadn’t been grounded repeatedly for basically gremlins. Always said something was wrong but never anything to produce for it. So, I climbed in that cockpit and proceeded to fly.

“Everything was fine at first, no errors popped, I put it through the regular paces, and it didn’t perform well, as it had in the past, and then I decided just to prove a point to get it scrapped I pushed it. Pushed it way too hard. I tried to max it out, tried to get it to do something to prove it could fly. I made an error, I flew distracted, I took my temper out on the air and I made a bad call.” Poe took another drink, peeling the label completely off now.

“Stabilizer failed first, not so bad, easily recoverable, then everything else started to fail, finally engine failed. It got bad enough that I knew I had to eject. I had never had anything like that happen before, even landing on carriers. So, I tried, I attempted to eject. Pulled the handle like you’re supposed to, nothing. Pulled it again, nothing, then suddenly there was fire everywhere. I kept trying to eject, sending mayday and then finally about ten seconds from the ground I lost communication.

“I finally had gotten really scared, I knew it was about to be the end, I couldn’t even get through to command to leave one last message in case someone could get it to my family or even you should anyone ever find out again. I tried one last time and mercifully it worked. I don’t know what deity finally smiled upon my actions there but thank the Maker I was able to get out. Which I’m grateful I did, not a lot was left of the plane after it crashed. Because of the low altitude I ejected at, and the fact that I had been immersed in fire for a long while I didn’t fair greatly but I at least did.

“Lower half of my body was burned, broken legs, feet, one arm, and a few cracked vertebrae, but I survived. Thankfully the GPS beacon worked, and the rescue crew found me relatively quickly. The pain was impossible to describe even now. I was in and out of consciousness for a long while. I spent the following better part of a year and a half in the hospital and in rehab. About three months after I was cleared to start working with physical therapy and all the breaks were healed and there was new skin growth, I contacted the detective again. Told him to look again.

“Then after the military decided it was better to force retire me and put the paperwork in to process and allow me to get my affects in order, I had maybe four months left in and he called and gave me the same news. He still couldn’t find you and he had other jobs come up. I retired out a few months later. Decided to move here, found you by some unimaginable stroke of luck and was cautiously hopeful for a while.”

Poe fell quiet and Rey realized somehow during all the telling he had ended up with his head in her lap, she was running her fingers through his curly hair and the great Poe Dameron was crying.

Rey didn’t know what she was going to do, he had told her so much. The amount of strength it took for him to relive that must have been crazy. That he looked for her for so long. So much information at once. They both stayed silent for a while, Rey thinking and Poe just being. He was cognizant of the light scraping of her nails through his hair and the fact that he had his head in her lap, but she wasn’t saying anything, asking anything, she was just letting him be.

He was really surprised that he had had that response. Usually when he retold the crash it was anger at being helpless and going flying while angry. If he wasn’t going to be honest with himself the thought that he might have lost her weighed heavily on him. Sure, they hadn’t been dating, but they had been friends, really close and maybe what he told Finn hadn’t been the whole truth, he hadn’t been just half in love with her. He was in love with her then, and now he was still if he wanted to look hard enough at it.

Poe didn’t want to explore that thought right now he did however want to tell her thank you for listening to him, thank you for the date and distraction, but he decided he could do that in a while. He wanted to tell her thank you. Which he intended to do, after he woke up, a final thought before his eyes closed.

Continuing to run her fingers through his hair Rey noticed he had stopped crying, and his breath had evened out. She leaned up slightly and glanced down and noticed he was asleep. She smiled to herself, the great Poe Dameron, the pilot who could fly anything, was asleep in her lap. Debating whether to wake him or let him sleep she knew sleep was a precious commodity after an incident like that. Rey decided to let him sleep as she leaned down and kissed his brow, her new earrings tickling his nose.


	9. Scars & Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe shared his secrets and he just tips the iceberg of Rey's secrets. Breakfast and a few kisses along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me this far. This will end up being about 19-20 "chapters" long. This is my first "chapter" story so its uncharted territory for me. Thank you! XOXO

Poe awoke the next morning, with a kink in his neck, his back hurting, eyes puffy and not in his bed. He realized his pillow was warm and he was still on the couch. Turning over slowly it dawned on him that it was Rey he was laying on. Well his head was in her lap; she was leaned up against the side of the couch with her arms under her head to support her.

Checking his watch, he saw it was about early on Sunday. They had got back from their date last night at about ten, he hadn’t intended for his trip down memory lane to take that long, or to expose himself like that so much but he decided to lay it all out. Part of him was glad he did, the other part was terrified over what she might think of him now. She hadn’t even seen his scars yet.

Slowly extracting himself from her lap, careful not to wake her, he moved to the bedroom closet and grabbed an extra blanket and brought it back and tucked it in around her. Leaning over he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. She stirred slightly and snuggled down under the blanket further.

Poe walked into the kitchen and proceeded to be as quiet as he could be and made breakfast. Humming all the way.

Rey came to consciousness to the smell of coffee, bacon and something sweet she couldn’t identify, opening one eye she looked around because unless she made coffee there was never any fresh made in her apartment. She surveyed her surroundings where she was warm and recognized the spartan furnishings. Poe. All of last night’s events came rushing back. The good and the sad of it.

She turned around on the couch, pulling her legs up under her and watching Poe move about the kitchen, she could hear him humming. Even singing quietly every now and then. He seemed to know his way around a kitchen which didn’t really surprise her. Leaning on her arms and relaxing she enjoyed the show.

Poe felt Rey’s eyes on him, looking over to the couch he did see her watching him. Those gorgeous hazel eyes looking at him, he was afraid to name the emotion he hoped to see there. Offering her a smile, he turned back to pay attention to what he was cooking.

Standing and stretching, Rey folded the blanket and placed it on the couch she walked over into the kitchen. He glanced up to see where she was and noticed her leaning against the counter watching him and listening to him hum and sing. “Morning Starshine.” He said, turning the stove off, sliding the eggs onto plates, “I got breakfast made if you’re hungry.”

“I could stand to eat. Anything I can do to help?” She offered, noticing that he had most of it done. Rey wasn’t going to admit it but she liked the picture he presented in front of her even if his clothes from last night were rumpled. He looked relaxed, rested and he had caught her staring at him. Rey blushed.

“I don’t know if it will help but can I do one thing before we sit down to eat?” Poe hoped she would, it wasn’t anything crazy, just one simple request.

“What?” 

“Can I hug you?”

“Hug me? Why?”

“Because I would like to.”

Rey considered it, a hug. It would involve getting close to him but then he had just spent the last night sleeping in her lap. But that was different you could not feel things through jeans. You could through her shirt. Rey worried her bottom lip for a moment before nodding.

Poe closed the distance between them in two steps and hesitated only a moment before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. She returned the action, wrapping her arms around him and leaning into him, resting her forehead against the area where his neck and shoulder met. Poe’s arms were wrapping around her back, his hands coming to rest on her ribcage, his hands were warm and comforting. Rey didn’t even tense up when the one hand was resting right below her one scar.

Poe turned his face and kissed Rey gently on the cheek. She just chuckled and stepped back. “You said a hug.” She looked at him trying to be cross with him.

“Oh! Shot down! Well what can I say, give a pilot an inch he’ll try for a mile. Forgive me for trying?”

“I’ll forgive you if I get a cup of coffee and maybe some of that bacon I smell.”

“Of course, a cup of coffee and all will be forgiven? I’ll take that bargain.” Poe said working his way back around the kitchen gathering the asked for items.

They sat down for breakfast and talked about what they might do for the day, Rey mentioned she needed to go grocery shopping and get ready for the coming week. They finished up and Rey got up and cleared the table, washing and stacking dishes for the dishwasher and Poe just sat back and watched her do it. He learned about getting in the way Rey when she was on a mission. She finished her task in the kitchen, refilled her coffee mug, and sat back down.

“So, um, I know I don’t have any family around and I need to have someone close in case something happens to me so I realize this might sound outrageous but can I give you my phone number and a spare key? In case something happened to me and I need someone to get in to take care of my cats. I realize it’s a lot to ask and” Rey was stopped mid-ramble with Poe’s hand coming to rest over hers.

“Yes, you can and I promise not to abuse the trust.” Poe said his thumb rubbing a patter on the back of her hand. “I’ll only use it if necessary, the key that is, can I text you?”

“I, yeah, you can text me, that would be nice.” Rey said, withdrawing from his touch and going to retrieve her purse. “I’ll have to get you a key but here is my phone, go ahead and put your number in and then I can text you and send you my number. It’ll be quicker.”

Inputting his number he hit save then opened a new message and texted himself. Rey cleaned up her coffee cup and made excuses of needing groceries. Poe walked her over to the door. “I wanted to say thank you, for listening to me last night. I know it couldn’t have been easy. But I appreciate it, and honestly that was the best nights sleep I’ve had in a long while.”

“You’re welcome, I’m glad you told me. It couldn’t have been easy and for what it’s worth I’m sorry I had any part in it.” Rey said, turning toward him, giving him a small hug. Poe returned the hug, both of their arms lingering on each other. Poe being ever the risk taker, decided to take one more risk. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips.

Rey gasped a little, Poe’s lips were soft and firm against her and her traitorous brain took over from there. She kissed him back, one hand sliding up to twine into his hair and the other pushed him closer to her. Poe returned the favor by drawing her tighter against him, his hand sat her sides. He walked them back toward the wall and pinned her, his tongue sliding out lightly tracing her lips to try and ask for access.

Rey opened her mouth to give him access and tugged on his hair slightly, Poe tasted like coffee, bacon and Poe, a warm comforting spiciness. Arching into him slightly she dug her fingers into his back through his shirt. He pushed for more of the kiss, bringing his hips in to meet hers, and moving his hands up and down exploring her side. He managed to get them under the hem of her shirt and started sliding them up, loving the feeling of her hot skin under his fingers, he continued to push her shirt up and exploring more, not sure what his real end game was. He had only wanted a kiss.

He broke the kiss in need of air, resting his forehead against hers he continued to drag his fingers up and down her sides getting a little higher each time, until eventually he encountered not smooth skin, but also not fabric of a bra or undershirt.

Her mind started screaming and Rey came crashing back to her senses, Poe’s hand was on her skin, under her shirt and too close. She pushed back on him and bolted out the door. Leaving Poe standing and looking at what he was pretty sure was a vapor trail she left in her wake.

Poe took a gamble and lost, he wasn’t going to regret the kiss, oh no, far from it. He enjoyed the feel of her skin against his and loved the taste of her. He knew Rey was not opposed to kissing him either. But what was most shocking was what he knew he felt on her before she bolted. He knew because he lived with that feeling every day.

While he carried his scars on his back and legs, but Rey carried hers on her ribcage.


	10. Faith trust and pixie dust? Oh wait...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories stirred up by a kiss play hell on Rey.

Once again Rey was thankful for the close proximity of the stairs. Leaving Poe’s apartment, she wasn’t sure what got into her. She hadn’t done anything like that in years. Not about to regret any of it, in fact if she was honest with herself, she would admit she had been waiting for that for five years. But she wasn’t going to examine that now.

No, instead her brain was on fire for what she had done. Allowed him to get his hands on her skin. Flat under her shirt, she was certain he had felt her scar. That was worthy of a freak out. No one knew of her scar aside from Finn and Admiral Organa. She had appreciated the Admiral’s discretion at keeping the records closed and away from Poe. Wished she wouldn’t have threatened punishment but thankful all the same.

Guilt of all the new information weighed heavily on her mind as well. She was responsible, partly, for Poe’s accident. That was heavy, that he spent all that time looking for her another weight, and then he kept up the search while he had been in the hospital.

Rey opened the door to her apartment, stepping inside she closed and locked the door. Backing away she could feel herself shaking. Adrenaline and the new weight of everything causing a physical response. She turned to go toward the bedroom and was confronted with Chewie’s accusing glare. The cat’s face seemed to say he disapproved of the fact that she hadn’t been home last night, and he was disappointed in her choices. “I know, Poe said he would have me home last night, but we are grown adults Chewie, and he needed comfort last night. Nothing happened, and honestly I slept on the couch.” 

Realizing that she was explaining herself to her cat caused Rey to pause and chuckle a little before continuing toward the bedroom. Trying to decide what was in order, she was still shaking, her shirt smelled of Poe, and she was quickly losing grasp on her emotions of last night, this morning and the past she worked so hard to conceal. Stepping in front of the dresser she scratched Bee-bee behind the ears from his spot on the end of her dresser, then she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her hair still disheveled from sleep and her encounter with Poe, her top untucked and wrinkled, then movement caught her eye and she saw the earrings Poe had bought last night. Simple chandelier earrings, nothing crazy or expensive but the fact that Poe had seen her attraction to them and she had no idea he had bought them until the booth owner had handed them to her meant, well she wasn’t sure what it meant but it did succeed in breaking the dam on her emotions.

Tears started spilling over, pulling the earrings out she set them on the jewelry tray, she didn’t try to stop the tears that were just running down her face now, she walked over to the bed and collapsed in the big middle of it. Bee-bee was watching her from the end of the dresser and then decided it would be a better vantage point from top of the open closet door.

Rey grabbed a pillow and curled into a ball, allowing her tears to pour out and all the emotions in her mind and heart. She cried for all the years lost, she cried for Poe and his accident, she cried for the pain that she endured and the loss of hope. Rey felt the bed dip a little and looked up and saw Chewie had come in, he walked over and bumped her forehead with his as if to say its okay, she reached up to pet him and he walked around to lay on her hip. Bee-bee chirped from on top the door and jumped onto the bed.

He walked up to Rey and started batting at her nose, his paw getting wet and him recoiling touching the foreign feeling. Getting in her face he sniffed her cheeks and gave her a lick, deciding her face was too salty he laid down next to her. Rey gave a watery chuckle and continued to cry.

So many things she wished she could tell and get off her chest. With her already being in the state of mind she was, she couldn’t stop the onslaught of emotions and memories. Pouring her heart out over the loss of hope basically she relieved the reason she was in this predicament.

_Five Years Ago_

_Rey had just finished clearing the interior right half of the building they were securing. She walked back to the center point with her smaller team. She was waiting for Lt. Phasma to show back up after securing her half. She was still miffed she had her team broken up, she had a good squad, about half of the squad she was with now were her old people, plus a few people she knew from around command that she had an easy relationship with._

_So far the assignment was going off without a problem, despite her prior feeling of dread. She had shaken that feeling off and contributed it to the meeting with Commanding Officer Ren the day before they got their new assignments. Rey felt slightly guilty because of that but she stood her ground. She had no idea Ren’s fascination with her but she refused to be bullied into anything, especially a fraternizing relationship with her Commanding Officer._

_There was yelling coming from the area Phasma was supposed to be checking. Never one to let her troops take the brunt of anything she selected four to go with her and left the rest back at the rendezvous point. Walking toward the yelling and clearing rooms as they went Rey was on point. She finally got to the room where Phasma was yelling, her silvery blonde hair falling from her tight bun. She was screaming into the radio, Rey was first into the room before the rest of her team. Rey had just holstered her weapon when Phasma said “she’s here, I’m doing this now.” Rey glanced around and noticed it was Phasma by herself._

_“Phasma what are you doing? Where is your team?”_

_“Oh how cute, you really do care for them don’t you? Too bad, Commander Ren sends his regards” with that Phasma picked up her sidearm and fired. Rey tried to avoid it and then all she remembers is pain in her side. Burning pain and the struggle to breathe. All that followed was gunfire and then black._

Wiping more tears from her face, Rey remembered waking up two weeks later in the hospital, Finn had been by her side, Admiral Organa had shown up later, no word from Poe. She had tried not to feel bad at that, but Admiral Organa explained that they couldn’t tell him at the time, he needed to focus on flying. Rey agreed and then asked that he never be told. She figured she would have been given an opportunity.

She never got that opportunity, the post traumatic syndrome had set in quickly, she discharged and disappeared. Realizing it was a mistake now, one she wished she could have changed but now it was too late. That was what made her cry the hardest, the fact that she knew she loved Poe, had been unconsciously waiting for him for five years, but knew he would probably never accept her as she was now.

Rey was faced with a choice now, she could avoid him, she could keep him at arm’s length, or she could run. Getting up from the bed she walked to the mirror, looking at her puffy eyes, her uneven breath, she pulled her shirt up and looked at the scar that started this all. The scar that covered most of her lower right ribcage. Running her fingers over it she was unsure as to which choice to decide on, her subconscious pushing her to choose the fourth option: have faith in Poe.

Grimacing, she lowered her shirt and headed for the shower. She still had things to do today, her decision could be made later.


	11. Keys, Friends and Rooftops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance encounter in the lobby has our heroine wondering if she should stay or go.

The weeks came and went, Poe missed Rey, he texted her and she responded, never really offering much or deepening the conversation. He kept it light. Early November after he had been gone on a long week of private flights, he came back mid-afternoon. Walking the lobby of the building he nodded to Wexley. The older man looked up, “Ah Poe Dameron, just the man I was waiting for. I have a package here for you.” He held up a simple orange envelope. “If you would be so kind to sign for it, here.” He said sliding a clipboard up on the counter of the desk.

Poe walked over, signed and picked up the envelope. It was heavy and something jostled inside. Checking his mail he made his way to the elevator. Once the door closed, he pulled the orange envelope open, pulling out the included note, a shiny silver key came with it. Holding it in his palm he looked at it with momentary confusion, then he opened the note. Pretty flowing words were written on the page.

_“Poe,_

_I was debating a lot the last few weeks about whether or not to follow through on giving you a key. Also, whether or not I was going to stick around. I want to apologize for running out like I did. There’re so many things I am feeling, so many things I need to tell you but am afraid it will change your perspective of who I am. I’m not sure what the future might hold but would still like you to have a key just in case I need someone to look after Chewie and Bee-bee. If you don’t want to I completely understand and no pressure. Just give the envelope and key back to Wexley, he knows what to do should you._

_Yours,_

_Rey”_

Looking back at the key in the palm of his hand, he pondered for a bit. The elevator dinged for his floor, and the door opened. Putting the key in the pocket of his jacket he dug his out and went to into his apartment. He wondered what it might mean.

***

Weeks transitioned, every now and then a whiteboard on a fishing line, Poe had evidently splurged to quit wasting paper, would appear on her balcony. She would smile and just write she was okay, or that she was busy. The week before Thanksgiving she ran into Poe exiting the elevator as she waited for it with an armful of groceries. Wexley was off for the afternoon. He was exiting followed by a gorgeous woman with hair so dark it was almost black, brown eyes and if the skirt she was wearing was any judge legs that could go on for miles.

Rey had just smiled at Poe, and it started to falter when she had caught sight of the woman. “Hey Rey” Poe said with his easy smile. “This is Jessika, she flies at my job. Jessika this is Rey.” The woman nodded to her.

“You’re the infamous Rey?” The newcomer, Jessika, said an appraising look in her eyes. Rey began to feel uncomfortable, and jealous to put it bluntly, she knew she looked bad, the bags under her eyes, the rumpled shirt and the arm full of groceries, even on her best days she was no match for the female who stood in front of her.

Rey smiled a bit, “yes I guess I am. Well see ya.” She said stepping into the elevator quickly and allowing the door to close on the two people in the lobby. Rey sagged against the wall feeling the urge to cry coming up upon her again. Being stuck in her own personal hell had obviously cost her what she had wanted for a long time.

Jessika watched the door close and the moves the woman was making. “I don’t think she likes me too much. Probably should have led with we aren’t dating.”

“What? Why?” Poe responded, really wondering about what Jessika said.

“Because, I guarantee the woman that just got on that elevator thinks you and I are a thing and that she missed her shot. You’ve got some damage control to do bud, and I can’t help.”

“Wait you think Rey will think we are together? But we aren’t, we never have been, and never will be.” Poe said, thinking it should have been pretty evident to anyone who looked at them.

“Oh no, I know the look on her face, the one she thinks no one saw when the doors closed. Her dreams just came crashing down and don’t be surprised if she is distant with you from now on.”

“She’s been pretty distant since the middle of October, don’t know how much more distant she could get unless she disappears on me again.”  
  


“She was the one that disappeared, dude you better talk to her and quick, like after you get back here tonight quick. She’s probably trying to figure out how to bolt right now.”

“Okay Pava I get it, I’ll text her as soon as I drop you off, now let’s go get your car from the shop.” He said walking out the door, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Okay, don’t be surprised when its back there next month, they don’t call me the Great Destroyer in the shop for nothing.”

With that they were on their way. Poe pondering what to do with the information Jess told him. It is possible that Rey might try and disappear again. He wondered if he ought to text Finn and ask for help, they had been talking once again, touching on the subject of Rey every now and then, Finn not sharing any more details other than what he had, claiming it was her story not his.

Returning to the apartment building two hours later carrying a takeout pizza and a six pack of beer in hand he headed for the third floor. He headed for Rey’s apartment, he knocked and waited. No answer. He knocked a little harder and waited. Still no answer. Setting the pizza and beer down he pulled out his phone and called Rey’s phone. It rang, and rang, then went to voicemail. He tried it again. The third time with the same result he switched to calling Finn.

“This is about Rey isn’t it?” Was what Finn greeted him with.

“Yes, it is, have you talked to her in the last two hours? At all?”

“No, she messaged me and asked if she could come out here for a while. I haven’t responded. She’s going to run again isn’t she? What did you do?” An accusing tone coming across the line.

“She met a friend of mine today, all she is a friend, but Rey didn’t give me a chance to explain that. She got into the elevator before I could say anything, and I had to take Jessika to get her car. To tell the truth Jessika was the one that pointed out that Rey had an issue with seeing her and I.”

“Oh man, what are you going to do?”

“I gotta find her Finn, even if she just sticks to her distant text answering.”

“Okay I’ll try to call her to see if I can find her. You go look.”

They hung up the phone and Poe stood at Rey’s door a moment and realized he could hear her phone ringing in her apartment. He could also hear her cats pawing at the door. Starting to get desperate and listening for any sign of her in the apartment he reached in his jacket pocket and his fingers hit something cold.

Smiling a little at his procrastination he pulled her key out, praying she would forgive him he picked up the beer and pizza and opened her door, not meeting the resistance of a chain on the door told him Rey wasn’t in the apartment. Stepping into the doorway the cats Chewie and Bee-bee were pacing back and forth, clearly agitated. The low light in the apartment from the setting fall sun was all there was, no lights on at all.

Poe set the pizza down on the counter, put the beer in the fridge and walked around her apartment, checking the living room, the balcony door was shut and locked from the inside, checked her bedroom he spied the earrings he bought her on her dresser on a jewelry tray. Clearing the apartment with Rey no where to be found he texted Finn that her apartment was empty. Hearing the jingle of a ringtone he walked back out to the kitchen and watched her phone light up and dance on the counter.

The cats were watching him Poe realized the one that didn’t approve of him, Chewie, was looking at him like he was certain he was the cause of their mistress being gone. Poe rolled his eyes at that. Then it dawned on him where she had disappeared to. He looked at the cats “Don’t worry, I’m going to fix this. Give me time.” Bee-bee just chirped at that while Chewie regarded him with a look that seemed to say prove it.

Making sure her key was back in the pocket he had retrieved it from, he walked out the door and locked it behind him. Then he headed the one place he only had a stroke of luck before. The roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. I swear I haven't abandoned it or been ignoring it. Life responsibilities have gotten in the way. I will have this completed soon. Hopefully you are enjoying it. I'm thinking of joining the tumblr universe too since a lot of people are getting ideas from it. Shall see though.


	12. Letting the Past Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey let's Poe in about her past, but not before causing a bit of a panic.

Rey was sitting on the roof of the building again. She hadn’t done this in a while. She missed it. Watching the sunset, she considered that her poor cats were probably panicked, she was worried about what she was certain was lost, and she was worried about what to do next. Seeing Poe with that woman Jessika she realized she had been dragging her feet. Avoiding Poe, keeping him at arms distance when she had had the perfect opportunity to talk to him and tell him everything and then see where it could possibly go if anything.

Now Rey had to face that she probably pissed her chance away. The sun continued its decline and Rey was left watching the last bit of light leave the horizon and the lights of the city come on. Continuing the inner debate of stay or go she started to compile a list of where she could go, her distant relative Luke lived in the Pacific Northwest, she had a few friends left in the Southwest but the idea of a desert didn’t appeal to her, only as a last resort. Maybe she could move to the Northeastern states before the snow set in for the winter. She would have to leave next week though since the weather reports were talking about the snow being late this year but could be any day now it would start.

Still deep in thought she missed hearing the roof door being thrown open. Missed hearing Poe call her name, she had just been thinking about the snow and then she was being hauled backwards by arms wrapped around her waist and chest. Screaming her fight or flight kicked in and she started to fight. Kicking, throwing punches, grabbing at hair. The action of the attacker pulled them both down onto the roof surface.

“REY! STOP IT! IT’S ME!” The attacker was saying. Then she looked at the person who had hauled her back, it was Poe. Rey stopped kicking and flailing and just laid where she landed.

“Poe! What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? Grabbing you away from the ledge, stars above Rey what were you doing sitting there?” Poe sagged onto the roof after she stopped, he kept his arms around her waist though. It comforted him that she was in his arms and no longer on the ledge. He had opened the roof access door and felt his blood run cold. He had thought it was just an expression before today.

  
Looking at him with confusion it registered finally he saw her sitting on the ledge that ran around the building. The ledge was five feet thick so she could almost lay on it completely without being anywhere near the opposite ledge. “I was just sitting I swear, I’ve done it a hundred times before.”

“So, you weren’t, uh, going to do anything?” Poe answered relief evident on his face.

“What? NO, I was just sitting watching the sunset debating on where to go. I figured it was time I did something. Just wasn’t sure what to do or where to go.”

“Okay, I think we need to go somewhere and talk. Afterwards if you want to still talk about going somewhere you can, but I have some things I obviously need to explain. I think you do too.” Poe said reluctant to let her go but untangling himself from her and standing up he offered her his hand to help her up.

She accepted his hand and allowed him to help her up. He was right, they did need to talk. It was time for answers and her turn to share her past. “Okay, your place or mine?” She asked.

“Yours.” Poe said, reaching down to grab her hand and started to pull her toward the door. Not letting her go even after they made it from the elevator to her door. He pulled out the key she had given him from his jacket pocket and let them in.

Walking in and turning on the lights Rey noticed a pizza box that wasn’t there before, she definitely hadn’t bought home from the grocery store. She wheeled around looking at Poe as he shut and locked the door, sliding her chain in place. “You were in my apartment?!” She demanded.

“Yes I was, and I refuse to apologize for it. I realize you probably think its an invasion of your privacy but I tried knocking and calling, and I even called Finn and there was no information from you for either of us so I panicked and let myself in. Your cats were quite upset too crying at the door.” Poe said standing his ground. He refused to be sorry she might be upset. He walked them further into the apartment to the living room area. Standing beside the couch he was unsure if he should sit down for this or keep standing. Rey made no move to sit so standing it was.

“And the pizza?” She asked.

“I had brought dinner and beers, I figured you had avoided me enough and it’s pizza and I know you never turn down pizza. I knew I needed to talk to you after you saw me and Jessika today. So, I was coming by to talk.”

“Oh yeah, Jessika, she is really pretty.” Rey said swallowing her emotions, “You guys look good together.”

Poe laughed; Jessika had been right. “She said you would do something like this. Rey, listen to me please, Pava is a beautiful woman, but not nearly as gorgeous as you and her boyfriend who happens to be my boss would have several negative opinions over one of his employees having an affair with his girlfriend.”

“Wait, so you and she…”

Poe walked over to her and pulled her close to him, his hands resting on her hips, his thumbs rubbing small paths on her idly. “Rey, it has been you on my mind for the last five plus years. I already told you I had looked forward to that date we had originally had set, and that I had loved that date that we went on in October. I have wanted to take you out again, but you haven’t given me the time of day since you blew smoke out of my apartment the morning after the date.”

Rey’s hands were resting upon Poe’s chest, she looked up at him searching his eyes and all she found there was longing, hope and want. “Poe, I think I owe you some answers. You told me what happened with you so now I need to tell you what happened with me and why I left like I did, you might want to sit down for this, it’s not long but it’ll be a shock.” She said while pushing out of his arms. She loved the feeling of being in his arms but if she didn’t step apart from him, she never would get out what she needed.

Taking a deep breath, she stood back from him and just started to let the past flow out of her memory.

“Finn and I met you at the tarmac when you were being transferred, to say goodbye. I didn’t want to see you go but understood and was hopeful. After all we had promised. Then you left, and I was sad, but we still had a jo to do so Finn and I headed back into the command center. We were heading to the briefing when Ren’s administrative puppet come rushing up to me. Said it was completely urgent that I go see Commanding Officer right then. I hadn’t told anyone, but he had been bugging me for a while, Ren not the puppet. Ren had been hounding me to sleep with him, kept promising easy duty or safe duty. I kept shooting him down. I wanted nothing to do with that, I wasn’t earning my leaves or bars on my back.

“So, I followed the puppet to the CO’s office. I was met by a very smug looking Hux who was on his way out. I presented myself before Ren and asked why I was being called in when I had a mission brief happening really soon. He said he had proof that would ruin my career and yours. I scoffed at the idea and told him as much. He said this could go one of two ways, the easy way or the difficult way. Easy way, I would start seeing him discreetly both on deployment and when we got back, and the evidence disappeared. Difficult way involved me ignoring the evidence, being court martialed and you possibly losing rank again.

“I asked to see the evidence, all it was were pictures, a few of us sitting in the mess, some of us watching a movie while Finn was passed out and the last two were of you pulling me into your quarters and the last was of me leaving your quarters. What that fool Ren failed to realize was that they were all timestamped. Every single one of the pictures were time stamped. Including the last two, and they showed less than three minutes difference. I don’t know about you, but I would hope that something that would involve career ending moves would take longer than three minutes on either of our parts.” Rey paused raising one eyebrow looking at Poe. He just shrugged and smiled.

“So, I told Ren to blow smoke out his ass. I wasn’t compromising myself and no adult in their right mind would think anything happened in three minutes. We stared each other down for a bit before he finally got it through that thick skull, I wasn’t going to do it. He then said he would fix it so that I would regret my decision in there. I told him to go to hell and take his muppets with him. And left because I was due in the mission brief.”

Rey took up pacing, she found this upcoming part was going to be difficult to stand still for. “I got back to the command center in order to get into the briefing, when I got there Finn asked what happened and I told him I would tell him later. The briefing had started when we were dealt the news that our squad was being broken apart because you were gone, and we had too much success. I was assigned to Phasma and Hux’s team, Finn went to Tico’s and our troops were broken up between. I knew Ren was behind this but had no way to prove anything so just went with it. We had two more missions and then we were done, I could last that long.

“Correction, I thought I could last that long. On mission my team went to clear the one side of the building, once done we went to the rendezvous point and awaited Phasma. Hux remained at command and I couldn’t begin to tell you who might have been flying keeping eyes on. My troops and I were waiting when we heard yelling come from Phasma’s side of the building. I left selected some of my troops to go with me and then left the rest to keep the rendezvous secure. I took point, as always.” Rey stopped pacing to stand still and swallow the lump forming in her throat. She risked looking at Poe to find him still standing watching her with his charming brown eyes of his patiently awaiting her to continue.

“Clearing rooms as we went, just to double check I moved to the room where I heard all the yelling coming from. I had had a bad feeling after Ren had done what he did but I didn’t think he would go to the lengths I was about to discover. I walked into the sight of Phasma yelling into the radio, I had holstered my weapon and looked at her and asked her basically what the hell she was doing. She was by herself, her team no where around. She still had her side arm out. She hollered into the radio ‘she’s here, I’m doing this now’. I asked her where her team was, and she thought it was cute that I actually cared for them.

“She then said that ‘Ren sends his regards.’ I remember being confused, and then she raised her weapon, I turned to get out of the room but wasn’t quick enough. Next thing I knew I was having this burning pain in my side and was on the ground. My team rushed in, thinking I had found an enemy, but it was just Phasma, she started to fire on them, so they took her out. I don’t know what happened after that as everything went black. I woke up two weeks later in the hospital.

She had stopped moving and Poe moved to come over to her. Rey held up a hand, “I’m not done yet. I just need a moment.” He nodded and remained where he was. She picked up pacing again. “I woke up and Finn was there as was Admiral Organa. I wanted to know if anyone had told you or alerted you, but Admiral Organa said it was best to not tell you as you were still deployed and flying missions. Finn had agreed, we decided we would keep it until you got back stateside. Then they filled me in on everything that happened after I blacked out.

“My troops got me out, called for evac, they had to pull Phasma’s body out too, official report says she was cornered by opposition, only eight people, well now nine, know the truth. They got me out, Finn had happened to just be in the command center due to a ‘feeling’ he had, he managed to get me sent to the field hospital with help of our team quickly, I had started losing too much blood and my lung had collapsed. When they got me into the field hospital I, uh,” Rey paused her eyes welling up, she tried to take some calming breaths, but it didn’t help, so she kept on with the story not having shared this part with anyone, “I technically died while in there. All because some idiot couldn’t understand no and had his lackies try to even the score or avenge his hurt pride I don’t know.

“I was left with this lovely scar,” Rey said lifting up her shirt she showed her ribcage and the large starburst scar there, “a massive amount of PTSD and after that set in they discharged me pretty quickly in effort to keep everything quiet. I left from there I didn’t know what to, so I ran and hid.”

Rey came to a standstill from her pacing across the room from Poe, tears falling down her face, still holding her shirt up to show the scar. She laid it all out so he could see everything the ball was in his quart now, so to speak, she completely didn’t blame him if he ran.

For what felt like eternity Poe kept himself still. He was listening to this woman share her story the way he shared his. He knew he wasn’t the only one with scars, but he didn’t realize the gravity of hers. Letting the words, she said sink it he silently thanked whatever deity that kept her here that day all those years ago and didn’t call her away.

Slowly he walked towards her, he could see she was frightened and scared, trying to decide whether to bolt. But she mustered up the courage and stood in place. Poe finished moving right in front of her and lifted one hand a little and touched her skin, trailing his fingers from the smooth skin to the puckered area of the scar. He couldn’t handle the emotions that were a torrent inside of him. Collapsing to his knees in front of her he pulled her into him and buried his face in her stomach. Wrapping his arms around her purposely touching her scar he breathed her in, trying his best to memorize her scent and to reassure himself the woman in front of him was real.

Rey dropped her shirt from her hand and threaded her hand through Poe’s dark curls. She was crying and couldn’t believe she went and told him everything. Amazed that he hadn’t turned and left with the knowledge he now had she held him to her. When Poe pressed a small kiss to her stomach and looked up at her she was surprised to find his eyes were wet with tears as well.

“Poe, I” She started to say. He stood up, realizing belatedly with his own scars he probably shouldn’t have knelt like he did but to be close to her he knew he’d do it again. He pressed a finger to her lips to silence her. Leaning in he rested his forehead on hers and encircled in a hug.

“Rey, thank you for finally telling me. I understand why you kept it from me, I’m sorry you felt the need to run but I get that too. I wanted to after my crash as well. Please don’t leave again? Stay here, with me? Please?” Leaning back so he could look at her hazel eyes, his brown eyes pleading for her to stay.

“I’ll stay. For what it’s worth, I am sorry I ran too, I cost us five years of…”

“No, you didn’t cost us anything.” Reaching up and framing her face with his hands he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “You didn’t cost us anything. I acted rashly that day at the assignment change and I didn’t realize I put you in that position, for that I am sorry and should I ever see Ren’s face again I promise to break his big nose. I had no idea he was hounding you like that. You should have told me or somebody.”

Rey was just about to say he probably wouldn’t get the chance, but her stomach took that moment to alert them to the fact that she was hungry. Crying sure did take it out of you, she thought. Poe dropped his hands from her face and grabbed one of hers. “Come on,” he said, “lets feed you, pizza’s probably gone cold but at least the beer is in the fridge.” He pulled her towards the table, getting her in a chair he moved to the kitchen pulling out plates, beers and grabbing the pizza box he returned to the table. Sitting in the seat right next to Rey he once again thanked the stars that she was still here in front of him. Completely aware of how lucky he was, not everyone dies and gets to come back, and not everyone gets a second chance. This time he wasn’t going to waste a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for reading this. I do believe (pending review from my betas, proofreaders, editors, whatever you want to call them) that this one is finished! So I should be able to post the story in it's entirety here soon.


	13. Stay Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pizza, beer, cuddles, cats and sleeping together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, as always, sorry it's been a moment since I posted personal life got a little out of hand this week. But this one is now done! I will try to keep posting one chapter a week until its done. If anyone has any ideas for stories I'd love to hear them as sometimes the muse whispers (or screams) in my ear and others they don't. 
> 
> Thank you!

Eating pizza and drinking a beer felt relatively normal to Rey, even after what she had just explained and laid bare for Poe. She was proud she had but at the same time she was surprised at how well he had taken everything she spilled. She leaned on Poe a little while they ate the cold pizza. It wasn’t the best meal but it was satisfying.

Poe sat next to Rey and felt her lean on him a little. He was still in awe of everything she told him. Hell she died and came back. Once again Poe was filled with a feeling like he had been after their first kiss five years ago. Things had shifted but he wasn’t sure how. Finishing up they cleaned up, put the rest of the pizza up for later they moved up back into the living room, Poe sitting down on the couch first, Rey still holding back looking wary. 

Patting the cushion next to him, Poe waited and hoped Rey would take advantage of it. Setting her beer down and grabbing the remote she settled in on the couch next to Poe. She fiddled with the remote for a bit before tossing it beside her on the couch. “I guess this changes everything doesn’t it?” She asked quietly. 

“Yah I guess it does. Do you have any ideas as to how it does?” Poe asking, wanting her to steer this conversation. They made great progress, but she was probably still skittish.

“No, but I’m open to ideas. If you have any suggestions, I’m all ears.” Rey said, settling further into Poe’s side. She tentatively put her hand on his chest while she leaned into him. The weight of his arm wrapped around her shoulders and his other hand abandoned his beer and grabbed her hand that was on his chest, absently rubbing her knuckles.

“I, for one would like to think you will answer more of my texts now, maybe even talk. For starters.” Poe teased with a slight smile. 

“I can do that. But what else?” Rey asked, the combination of beer and Poe’s thumb rubbing the lazy pattern relaxing her. Poe could feel her weight getting heavier on him.

“Well there are lots of things we could do. I think maybe we try to make up for years missed and go from there?”

“I think that might be good, we did miss a lot.” Rey said, thinking how she was hoping he wouldn’t run earlier, how she was tired now, so tired of crying, and she wanted sleep, even if it meant dealing with nightmares. “Thank you, Poe for not running.”

“I wouldn’t have run Starshine, no matter what.” Poe said kissing the top of her head. Looking down at his side he could see her eyes closed, he sat like that for a bit marveling at the strength of her. Less than a month ago she learned about his past, he had yet to show his scars, but she bared all hers tonight including her scar, the mental and physical. Debating on moving her from the couch to bed he decided to sit there a little longer with her in his arms. 

She fit perfectly he thought. Movement caught his eye and he could see Chewie come into view. He took in the sight of his human curled up against the male, he didn’t like the male at first, Poe didn’t mind the cat but could tell the cat didn’t like him. But at the scene before him the cat seemed to approve Poe being there holding Rey. 

Sometime later Poe decided to move Rey to her room. Letting her lay out on the couch he removed her socks and shoes, setting them aside he went in and pulled the covers back on her bed and moved the pillows so he could get her in easily. Walking back to the couch Poe was unsure if he could manage to carry her, sure he still worked out but it had been a while since he did anything like carrying another person, let alone one as precious as Rey. 

Taking a deep breath, he scooped her up and cradled her to his chest. She stirred slightly and pushed her face into his chest. Walking her to her bed he settled her on the bed and moved the covers around her. Gently reaching up to remove the pony tail her hair was wrapped he gently ran his fingers through her soft brown hair. Placing a soft kiss to her brow he moved through the apartment turning lights off and went to check on her one more time. Tucking the covers around her, he took in the vision that she was, hair softly laying out on the pillows, features soft in sleep. 

Moving to kiss her cheek before he left, he had just stood up and was about to go when Rey captured his hand in hers. “Stay, please.” Not a question or command, just a request. 

“Rey, sweetheart, I don’t think that would be proper.” Poe said, despite his brain telling him to screw proper and crawl into bed with her. 

“What’s wrong commander? Afraid of regulations?” Rey said, offering a sleep smile, her hazel eyes open now searching his softly. 

“No, afraid of you is more like it.” Poe said. He wanted to go crawl in bed with her, but he was terrified of where it might lead. He wanted her to steer the way in this and do things at her pace. Getting into bed might accelerate things and he didn’t want to if she wasn’t ready.

“Why me? I’m nothing to be frightened of. I swear, nothing bad, just sleep.” Rey offered, looking between him and the empty spot on her bed. 

Poe was torn with telling her no and heading to the door but also wanting what she was offering. The chance to sleep next to someone who know of the scars and the past and wasn’t grossed out or afraid of them. He dealt with enough of that from the physical therapists and passing strangers on the street should he wear shorts, which was one reason he didn’t anymore.

“Please.” Came the soft word. One simple word and Poe knew he wasn’t going back to his place tonight. 

“Okay, just sleep. No funny business.” He said, moving over to the other side of the bed, and shucked his shoes, socks and over shirt, not wanting to sleep in jeans he debated at getting down to his boxers. Worrying about showing his own scars now he looked between the bed and Rey trying to decide what to do. Finally throwing the jeans next to his other clothing, Poe got under the covers, leaving the sheet down so he could keep a barrier between them. 

Rey shifted in bed over to meet Poe in the middle, he reached out and grabbed her hand, she moved to snuggle into his side. A few more position shifts and they finally settled where his arms were wrapped around her and she was tucked into his chest under his chin. 

“Thank you, Poe.”

“You’re welcome, Starshine, now go to sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.” He said, kissing her forehead. Soon sleep claimed them both and they both relaxed, sleeping through the night and the cats coming up to snuggle, Chewie at the back of Rey and Bee-bee at the back of Poe. 

***

Rey woke to weight on her ribcage, soft snores and a warm body behind her and something poking into her backside. Digging into her memory she remembered last night, she spilled it all, the mission, Ren’s pursuit and refusal, the bullet wound, the crying, pizza and finally asking Poe to stay the night. Realizing just what exactly was pressing into her backside, she blushed. Just then her bed partner stirred and started to wake up, the arm around her pulling her back up against his body. There was a sheet separation, but it did little to hide his body.

Poe pulled Rey closer to him and nuzzled his face into her hair and neck breathing in the smell of her. Relishing in the weight of her pulled up against him. He propped himself up on his elbow to look down at her face to discover she was awake and blushing. Leaning over to give her a kiss on the cheek he was careful not to rub his cheek on her with all is facial stubble. 

“Good morning Starshine.” He said pulling away and laying down again. He laced his fingers through hers, fully intent on holding her there and enjoying the wake up with her. 

“Morning, sleep well?”

“For the first time in years.” Poe said, feeling a little guilty after he said it. “Plans for today?”

Momentary panic set in thinking she needed to go to work or something but realized she didn’t and had no real plans. “Nothing today, you?” She asked, realizing that he, uh, member, was still pressing into her back she decided to test a theory. Giving her hips a little shimmy she heard Poe inhale quickly. 

“Ah nothing for me, no flying today.” Poe said, sounding a little strained even for him, of course she would find a way to torture him in an innocent setting. Then again, the sheet did nothing really to separate him from her delectably firm rear end. Breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth he tried to gain control on his building need. 

“So, you have no plans, and I have no plans. What do we do?” Rey asked, wondering if she should test the waters again so to speak. Deciding against testing the waters she let go of his hand and turned in his arms so she could look at him. Raising his arm to make her turn easier he settled it back down again and began tracing small circles on her back. She looked up at him and saw him watching her. Placing her hand on his chest she felt his heartbeat under her fingers. 

A crease in her brow formed. Finally, being honest with herself for the first time in years she realized how lucky they both were. They had gotten both remarkably close to losing their lives, lost each other though she acknowledged mostly through her stubbornness and found each other again by some stroke of fate. She had been frightened when they first did but now, she was thankful they had. 

“Hey, why the frown, I don’t snore that badly.” Poe said, chuckling a bit, his fingertips still tracing patterns on her back. When a tear rolled down her cheek, he moved his hand to her face, wiping the tear away with his finger. “It was just a joke sweetheart. I’m sorry, I probably do snore…” He was cut off when her lips pressing firmly on his. Rey deepened the kiss, stroking his lips with her tongue and biting his bottom lip gently. Finally gaining the access she wanted she met his tongue with hers stroke for stroke.

Threading his hand into her hair Poe pulled her to him and sighed with Rey put her hand in his hair. She pushed up against him desperate to get as close as possible to him. Feeling that hardness that had been on her backside up against her pelvis she ground her hips into his, want filling in her belly. Trying to put her leg over his to draw him in closer still she met resistance from that blasted sheet. One he was thankful he left down last night but cursed now wanting Rey close to him. 

Rey made a sound of displeasure; Poe broke the kiss. Looking at her and her face flushed and the want in her eyes he knew he looked the same. Not sure if he really wanted to take that step yet he realized there was one thing he still needed to do. She showed him her scars, it was his time to show his. Pulling her to him he tucked her up against his chest. Trying to calm his racing heart, his hand drew a lazy pattern on her shoulder.

They laid like that for a while before he gathered the courage for what he needed to do. Kissing the top of her head he disentangled himself a propped himself up against the headboard of her bed. “Rey, Look, before we do anything, if we ever do anything you need to get the whole picture. All of it. That way there is nothing hidden.” He knew he was talking about his scars, but she didn’t. Concern marred her lovely face. Taking a breath, he prepared himself mentally for what was to come, trying to discreetly adjust himself, didn’t work. He slid out from under the covers and stood beside the bed.

“I told you that I had scars, it’s only fair that you see the extent of them before anything happens. You showed me yours now its my turn to show mine.” With that he turned around, steady and sure on his feet but weak in the knees. He stayed that way for a painstakingly long minute, it was quiet in the room. He was afraid to turn around he wasn’t sure if he could handle seeing disgust on her face. Poe finally heard movement behind him and was worried she was getting up to tell him to get dressed and leave. 

Rey watched as Poe slid out of bed wondering what he was going to do and then he turned around. Feeling her breath catch at the scars and damage still evident on his tan skin broke her heart. Reaching midway up his back and all down his legs there were silvery lines everywhere, some crisscrossing, patches of smooth skin, and puckered skin elsewhere, noticing with each passing moment Poe was becoming more tense. Before she completely registered, she was moving she was halfway across the bed. 

Reaching for him as she got to where he stood, she traced one of the scars on his back lightly. Poe’s head and shoulders sagged a bit when she touched him, as if he released a breath, he wasn’t aware he was holding. Leaving the bed, she stood at his back, looking him up and down, moving around him she took in his scars and injuries. Poe just stood there and let her, watching when she came into view. Finally, she stopped moving around him to stand in front of him. 

Looking at him Rey could see the fear in his eyes. She knew that fear, worried that the scars of the past would scare those away. To tell the truth she was still afraid of him rejecting her because of hers. Placing her hands firmly on his hips, resting her fingers on a grouping of scars she kissed him softly on the mouth. Pulling back, she smiled at him, “Under your scars you’re still Poe, they don’t frighten me.” She finished with one more kiss. 

Smiling against her lips Poe kissed her back, moving his arm under hers and wrapping it around her waist and bringing him flush against her. It was Rey’s turn to smile against Poe’s lips with that hardness pushing into her pelvis again. Pushing up against Poe she heard his breath hitch and took advantage of that and deepened the kiss again. She pushed him backwards until his knees met the bed and he sat down, she broke the kiss momentarily to straddle him, her knees resting on either side of his hips and lowering herself gently onto his boxer covered hardness. 

Breaking the kiss for a moment Poe looked up at her, running his fingers through her hair he kissed the tip of her nose. “Rey, you know that under your scars you’re still you. Your scars don’t frighten me at all.” With that he moved in to kiss her again, starting at the edge of her mouth, along her cheek down her jawline continuing down her neck, not caring now if his stubble reddened her skin. They had no where to go today, he was perfectly content to stay in bed all day, innocently if she allowed it to be.

Rey settled her weight down onto him and moaned softly at the feel of Poe on her neck. Letting her head fall to the side she gave him more access to her neck. Taking the opportunity, he chuckled at her gasp of shock when he flipped her over onto her back and pressed down into her. He could feel her heat pressed up against him. Loving the feel of her but knowing he vowed to himself that she would be driving this he paused. 

“Starshine, we need to stop. We said last night no bad stuff yet. I’m good with what you want to do, you’re in charge here. I’ll wait as long as you need. I’ve waited five years so far.” Kissing her lips lightly to punctuate the meaning behind it. He propped himself up on his elbows and easing off the pressure of him against her core. Poe had figured he would be more frustrated, but currently he found he wasn’t lying. He had waited five years; he could wait a little longer. Watching her as she worried her bottom lip, he knew there was no place he would rather be. 

Rey thought about it for a moment, then deciding she was done with thinking and waiting. Looking at Poe through her lashes she kissed him. Looking at him she took a deep breath. “Poe, I don’t want to wait.”


	14. Live Fire Test & Brunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will there be satisfaction? Will there be a misfire? A successful demonstration? Maybe some brunch? But definitely some chinese takeout.

Poe couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you positive? I meant what I said, I am good with waiting.” He said, knowing that what he’s afraid of isn’t just the being with her, the rushing her but also the fear of _performance_. If he was going to be truthful with himself, he hadn’t performed in over five years. Sure, he helped himself out but not at a pace that would be considered frequent since his crash, but he’s not had a field test with live ammunition yet. Leave, port calls, even all those times in the bars with his buddies he never went home with anyone. Not after Rey and he had set up that date or while he was looking for her.

He nailed down the feeling that had been floating about in his mind at her not wanting to wait. _Nervous_. The hotshot pilot was nervous. Well yeah nervous, why wouldn’t he be? Supposedly it was just like riding a bike, one doesn’t forget, but what if that wasn’t the case?

Rey reached her hand up and ghosted his cheek, Poe tilted his head into it instinctively it his stubbled chin tickling her palm. Continuing its path Rey’s fingers threaded into Poe’s thick dark curls. “If you’re not ready then we don’t have to do a thing. I just know I’m ready, I think.” Sitting up slightly to meet him she kissed his lips and then his cheek. “Tell you what, I’m going to grab a shower, then we can get some breakfast. Since we have nothing to do for the day why don’t we spend the day together?”

“I think that would be good idea.” Poe said, rubbing his knuckles along her cheek. “I’m going to run upstairs, shower and get ready. You want me to knock or use my key?”  
  


“Key, might as well, let yourself in last night.” Rey replied cheekily.

“Okay, I’ll lock the door behind me.” He said placing a kiss on her nose. Poe started to reposition and stand up, but Rey looked at him with those gorgeous hazel eyes and though he was nervous as hell he leaned back in to kiss her again and ground his hips lightly into her body where their bodies touched.

Groaning, Rey wrapped her arms around Poe’s back and lightly dug her nails in while kissing him, her body answering his movements with her own. Finally, when the kiss broke both were breathless. “So, shower, then food. I’ll uh, I’ll be back soon.” Poe said standing up. He put on his pants on and slipped his undershirt on not bothering with his shoes. Rey stood up and smiled at the sight of him getting dressed in her bedroom. There was a slight tinge to his cheeks that could classify as a blush, and his hands shook a bit.

Walking over to Poe she kissed him on the cheek she trailed her hand along his shoulders as she walked to her bathroom. Not bothering to close the door she started the shower and with her back to him she pulled her shirt over her head and then let her panties slide to the floor. Casting a look over her shoulder she caught Poe’s eye and her lips tilted up into a small smirk. With that she stepped into the shower stall.

Poe had watched her walk into the bathroom and the image she presented stripping her clothes was one that Poe knew he would never forget, then she turned around and looked at him with that little smirk. A challenge she was issuing, Poe knew he had a choice right now; he could follow her into that shower and find out really quick if things worked out for the best, or he could slink away with his tail between his legs because of nerves. Not sure if he could handle the answer, he ran like a coward back to his apartment.

Rey watched Poe leave her room and relaxed a little. She wasn’t entirely sure what had gotten into her when she rubbed up on Poe like that. Part of her was wanting him to follow her into the shower but the other part, the somewhat sane part, was freaking out. Sure, she had had sex before but not with any frequency that would lend to expert knowledge of the action. Standing under the stream of hot water she thought about the few times she had done the deed so to speak. Mostly in college, one of the frat boys she had dated momentarily before she got broken up with because she wasn’t with a sorority and “women don’t belong in the military” attitude when discussing plans after college.

After that she steered clear of men and focused on school, then the academy and then while she had the opportunity in the military she didn’t want to do anything with anyone at her commands and her fellow officers talked too much shop too often. Both males and females.

What if Rey wasn’t that great at it, maybe Poe did her a favor by leaving and heading back up to his apartment. Picking up her razor she set to work on her legs while pondering over the position she was in now. Finally by the time the shower was complete she had decided that whatever happens, happens. She wanted Poe, felt comfortable around him and that was enough for her. But the worry still lingered.

***

Upstairs Poe was banging his head against his shower wall. He regretted running out like a coward, but he worried about performance. Sure, he woke up harder than tempered steel but that didn’t guarantee everything worked when in the heat of the moment. Poe figured a road test might be necessary, so to speak he had a bit before he had to be back at Rey’s place. It shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish with the lovely image Rey had displayed while getting into her shower and all the soft touches, kisses and moans this morning.

Recalling all of those delightful images Poe gave an excited little cheer to feel himself rise to the occasion. Continuing that line of thought he took himself in hand and allowed a little fantasy to play out in his mind of laying Rey down, kissing from her neck to her pelvis stopping to love and nip on those supple breasts, leaving a few marks here and there not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to mark. He’d move to where he could tease her with his fingers, eventually slipping one into her while he drove her crazy with his tongue. They would finish up where he was buried deep inside of her while they both crested that rise of orgasmic bliss and then…

Poe sagged with relief against the shower wall, evidence of everything still working properly washing away in the shower. Finishing up in the shower and with the knowledge that the ammunition still worked but still worried about a live field test he decided he just needed to find his courage, get dressed and head back to Rey’s, whatever happens will be the a major step for him and while he was nervous he put it aside. He had a gorgeous woman waiting for breakfast and a day together.

Thirty minutes later Rey was putting the earrings Poe had bought her back on, they paired well with the jeans and sweater she had thrown on, when she heard the door open. He walked in “honey I’m home” he called out. Smiling at her reflection she moved out of the bedroom to greet him in the main area of her apartment. “Hi honey” she said, walking up and placing a quick kiss on his lips, knowing he was doing it to be a flirt and she was doing it because, well she wasn’t sure why she was doing it.

Poe smiled at Rey noticing she was wearing the earrings he bought her. “Goodness Starshine you are gorgeous. So, brunch and maybe the zoo, movies, or dealer’s choice?”

“Brunch definitely, and how about dealer’s choice.” Rey replied.

“Dealer’s choice it is then, let’s go grab food.”

With that they headed out the door. The day turned out to be a gorgeous day and after a filling brunch with a few mimosas thrown in they decided against the movies and instead wandered around the zoo and then a park, stopping for Chinese takeout on the way home they both agreed it was a fantastic day and one they both decided to do more often, especially the end, where they both fell asleep a tangle of fully clothed limbs in Rey’s bed again, plans made for Thanksgiving and cat’s cuddling again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this then I haven't bored you to death yet! I'm getting there I swear. There are six more chapters, and satisfaction will be had. 
> 
> Also this and all of my other stories have been based on music, either lyrics or titles. I am open to suggestions to try my had at something that isn't musical earworms in my mind. :) 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	15. The Return of Kylo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving, Holiday party and the return of Kylo Ren.

Thanksgiving they headed for a potluck dinner at Poe’s boss’s home. Rey was worried about running into Jessika again despite Poe trying to reassure her that it would be okay and everyone would enjoy her company. The day was spent enjoying food, football, parades, and Rey had to admit that it felt very much like a family, not that she had any idea what it really was like.

As they all gathered round the table for dinner there was light talk being made. At one-point Poe’s boss had been enjoying a few too many of his game day beers looked over at Jessika and called her Smoochiepoo. Which started a sort of game of absurdly sweet name calling, only ending when Rey called Poe Snookums. That nickname stuck as did everyone else’s.

By the end of the night Rey had decided that Jessika really wasn’t that bad, and she had misjudged her and Poe’s relationship in the beginning. Her relationship with Poe’s boss, John, was one of evident love and hopeless devotion to each other. With the mental acknowledgement also came the sad pang of jealousy. She wanted that but wasn’t sure it was obtainable, maybe one day.

The drive back to the apartment building was uneventful and quiet, both Rey and Poe thinking about the events of the day. Rey reached over and held his hand on the drive back until Poe had to shift gears, then she dropped his hand pulling hers back into her lap. Poe wasn’t having any of that, so he grabbed hers placed it on top of the gearshift and placed his hand on top lacing his fingers through hers that way. It made Rey smile and that was all what he wanted.

Walking into Rey’s apartment they decided to spend the rest of the evening watching a movie. Tonight’s selection was about a boy who found out he was a wizard and struggles to overcome the darkness that threatens him, not really his choice but it made Rey happy, and honestly he got to snuggle on the couch so it was a win-win situation. 

Finally, the bed was calling their name, Rey asked him to stay again, this time he didn’t put up a fight. Rey smiled a little impishly when she pulled out a pair of men’s sleep pants in his size from the one drawer in her room. Sending her a questioning look seeing the pants were going to fit him well she just smiled and said “I guessed.”

Tucked in for the night Poe lay awake, holding Rey while she slept, thinking of the day and the dynamic he saw with Jessika and John’s relationship, while he knew each relationship is unique he hoped to have that type, and hoped to have it with Rey. Sleep finally claiming him, his last conscious thought was something he had pondered for a few months now, yes, he was in love with her.

***

Deeper into December, Poe was just coming home from a transatlantic flight, he and Rey had plans to attend her company’s holiday party since his really didn’t have anything since the holidays were the busiest time of year for them. The party wasn’t until the next day and he got home earlier than anticipated so he decided to surprise Rey. He stopped and picked up cake from that bakery they had visited back in October, grabbed a dozen orange roses that faded into red at the tips of the petals, a bottle of wine, and stuff to make dinner and headed to her apartment.

Seeing her car wasn’t back in the garage yet he figured he would surprise her. He let herself in her apartment, it was quiet, the small Christmas tree they had put up last week stood in the corner, Beebee asleep on the tree skirt. Poe set the bags down and pulled out the flowers and vase setting them on the counter so they would be the first thing Rey saw when she came in the door. Then a soft sound came from the direction of the bedroom. Poe looked around taking in that Beebee was still asleep under the tree, Chewie was sitting on the back of the couch watching him and kept looking at the bedroom door.

Rolling his eyes at the cat Poe set off as quiet as possible heading to the bedroom, he stopped short just inside the door when he saw Rey on the bed, still in her work attire. She was curled up in a little ball making little gasps like you hear when someone has been crying too much. Crossing the room, Poe knelt down beside the bed, reaching out to touch Rey hurt striking through him when she shrunk away from his hand.

“Rey, Starshine, what’s wrong?” Poe asked softly, wondering what could reduce her to this state. Running through a list in his head he couldn’t come up with anything, Finn was okay on Stateside duty, the cats were okay, she wasn’t really close to her family, and couldn’t come up with anything and then he remembered he didn’t see her car in the parking garage. “Sweetie how did you get home?”

Rey laid there just crying a little more, the appearance of Poe startled her out of the mental turmoil she was experiencing. Today had been a good day, decent weather for December, Poe was supposed to be home tonight, the holiday party tomorrow, and a weekend with her. It wasn’t perfect but it was supposed to be really great. On top of it she had been looking forward to the holidays for the first time in years. Usually she was alone for the holiday’s not this year.

Finally settling a bit, she knew Poe was still there so she scooted back on the bed, so she was in the middle and patted the side. Taking the invitation, he moved to sit on the bed next to her. Reaching out to touch her again this time she didn’t shy away, she just laid there and let his hand rest on her hip to try and comfort.

“I took a cab home, I wasn’t in a good mental state to try and drive. I couldn’t.” Rey said softly. “The new department lead for my company showed up today, all we had been told was that the person was former military and was experienced in the field and had deployment and analyst experience.”

Poe sat there, thumb rubbing back and forth on her hip bone. Waiting for her to continue, staying quiet he looked over her face, eyes puffy and red rimmed from crying, a bit of mascara traced down her face, hair loose around her shoulders, he was both concerned and curious with what occurred to trigger this response from her.

Taking a shaky breath Rey continued. “I was sitting at my desk, going over a new contract they wanted us to take on, they wanted weak points analyzed, strengths reviewed and recommendations. No biggie, all in a days work, done it hundreds of times. Then the big boss came around and was introducing the new department lead. I paid it no mind and then they came around to my office, they knocked and I waved them in without looking up. Mistake number 1. They stepped in, I set the papers I was reviewing down and looked up and was face to face with none other than Commander Kylo Ren. He hasn’t changed much from when we were in.

“His hair is longer, but that’s about it, same dower expression, same pale skin, same sneer. I’m sure I looked lovely with my mouth sitting there working like a fish out of water. The big boss introduced us and Ren stretched out his hand, I guess he wanted a handshake or a touch of some kind. He said ‘well I haven’t seen you in so long. Glad to see you’re still alive, maybe you won’t make the same mistake again.’ When the boss asked what he meant, Ren simply replied that we had served together and that I had incurred an accident while on active duty. My boss knows this and knows that I don’t use my injured status as any way to advance my career.”

Moving to sit up a bit she patted the spot beside her up at the pillows. Poe, not sure as to what she needed but moved anyways sat up by her and allowed her to do what she needed. She snuggled into his side and leaned into his chest. His arm draping over her shoulder giving some of her comfort she needed at the moment. “So I just acknowledged Ren’s presence and after they left I tried to focus on work, even shut my door in order to try and gain privacy. Plus I didn’t want any more unexpected interruptions. I managed to survive through lunch and then I kept on hearing during the afternoon how great he was, and how nice he was, some of my coworkers were asking questions about him and then he came back around on the floor. Ren stopped at my office.

“He knocked and I hoped the phone would ring or something would give me an excuse to wave him off. It didn’t ring. He barged in and started talking about how he couldn’t believe I was here, how he had looked for me for a while and how he had gotten close to finding me when I was in the Pacific Northwest. But he still missed me. He was still hoping for a happy ending for us he proclaimed. He had missed me, obviously the hell visited upon me in the form of Phasma and Hux wasn’t enough. I just stood there, dumbfounded, and then he told me he heard about how I was supposed to be at the Christmas party tomorrow with a date. Wanted to know who I was bringing.”

Curling further into Poe’s side Rey fell quiet for a short time. Today had been pure hell for his girl he could tell, he was frustrated with the reappearance of Kylo Ren, he just didn’t know that frustration was about to turn to anger. Rey laid on Poe’s chest listening to his heart beating, his arm wrapped around her she felt safe. Feeling she needed and relished right now. Deciding she needed to finish and get it out the rest of the events. “I told him it wasn’t any of his business, but it seemed the force of the universe was against me today, because at that moment Rissa poked her head in asking if I was going to be able to bring my hot pilot to the party.”

“Hot pilot huh? You think I’m hot?” Poe said, couldn’t resist teasing her. “How did she know I was hot?”

“We, uh compared some photos of our dates after one weekend, I showed a few we took while we were at the zoo and then a few we’ve snapped here or there. A few of my favorites, and a few that you sent me of while you were out flying. Yes I think your hot, laserbrains, I think your handsome too.”

“Well as long as I’m handsome.” Poe said leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “I think you’re pretty gorgeous and hot yourself.” That earned him a snort.

“Poe I’ve been crying for at least three hours, my makeup is running, and I’m sure I look like prime real estate right now.” Rey said voice laced with heavy sarcasm.

Placing his finger under her chin he eased her face up from his chest and softly kissed her on the lips. “Even red puffy eyed and mascara streaks everywhere, you are absolutely gorgeous, you take my breath away constantly and my heart skips a beat every time you call, or I see you. You’re the first thing I want to see when I land from a long flight, and the last phone call or text message I want at the end of the night when I can’t be here.” Poe finished, stopping just short of telling her he loved her, he didn’t need to add that weight into this situation.

Rey waited for Poe to finish what he was saying, before she leaned in and kissed him again. Repositioning herself she knew she needed to finish this and get it off her chest to try and enjoy the night. Sitting beside him now she took a deep breath, finish this, now she thought to herself. “I told Mara I would talk to her later. I knew figured it was going to be bad with Ren over hearing what he did but he walked over to shut my door and proceeded to stand behind it to not only block my exit but also avoid being seeing. He asked who the pilot was, why did I not want him back when I was in the military, he was a catch he said. Desired by everyone, he would have been a catch for me he said.

“I was feeling sicker to my stomach by the syllable that fell out of his mouth. He was such an arrogant shit. He kept going on about how he couldn’t believe I had avoided him for so long. Finally, the phone that I had prayed to ring finally did, it was the CEO wanting to ask me a question. Ren finally just said he would see me tomorrow and couldn’t wait to see the ‘hot pilot’ I bought to the party because he was going to make sure to be there to see him too. And he left.

“I finished up with the CEO, made sure I wasn’t needed for the rest of the day and came home. I’ve been here since two o’clock. I didn’t even hear you come in. So there you have it, Kylo Ren, the man behind my scar and reason I disappeared for five years is here. I wouldn’t have put it past him to find me and arrange for a job in my company. I’m sorry Poe, this is a turn I had never guessed would happen.”

Rey finished up and Poe was past seeing just red, it had gone past red into a deep shade of crimson. He was mad because of how Rey had to deal with Ren today, mad because of how he wasn’t there when it happened, although he knew he couldn’t be there was no reason he shouldn’t have been. Mostly he was mad at how frightened she seemed sitting right next to him.

“Starshine, you have nothing to apologize for. He was a complication no one ever wanted again. But you do have a few options. You don’t have to go to work tomorrow and we don’t have to go to the holiday party tomorrow. I’m glad you took a cab home, I’m glad you came home. I can’t imagine facing him was anywhere near easy, especially when he just popped up into your life like that.

“You don’t want to go to the holiday party with me? I went and bought a dress and heels for this.” Rey asked with hurt showing in her eyes.

“No, Rey, I didn’t say that. I do want to go, if you want to, but if Ren is going to be there then we don’t have to go. Or we go, make an appearance and leave and go do something we want to. I want you to be happy and safe. If you don’t feel safe at the holiday party then we don’t go there. Wait, you bought a dress?”

Rey ducked her head and then nodded. She shuffled across the bed and headed to the closet. She came out carrying a dress bag and inside was a beautiful red dress, much like the one she was wearing the first time she met Poe, glossy black heels could be seen on the floor of the closet. Poe was at a loss for words so he simply smiled. Tucking the dress back in the closet Rey came back to the bed and sat on the edge next to him. He reached over and took her right hand in his. “Starshine, it is completely up to you what we do tomorrow. We could order pizza and movies tomorrow night. No decision needs to made tonight. Now come on, I bought dinner. Go wash your face and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading once again! Five more chapters.


	16. Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roses, wine, some smut and fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned this chapter does contain smut. If it's not your thing, skip until the next chapter :D 
> 
> This is my first attempt at writing smut so here goes nothing!

Poe walked into the kitchen and started the dinner he had planned on surprising Rey with. He got the wine opened and poured two glasses. He was still simmering about the news Rey had laid on him. Not that he was one to run from adversity. Poe was not going to push the matter, but he began to formulate a plan for tomorrow in case Rey didn’t want to go to the party after all.

A small gasp captured his attention, Rey stood just inside the kitchen eyes on the roses he had picked up. She had taken his advice and had washed her face, but she had also changed out of her work clothes. Yoga pants and a simple black tank top, thankfully the apartment was warm. Poe picked up the one wine glass and walked over to her. Pressing the glass into her hand he laid a simple kiss on her cheek. “I had wanted to surprise you when you got home with dinner, wine and flowers. Sorry I wasn’t able to do that.”

“Oh Poe, you did, the flowers are beautiful. You’re amazing.” Rey said, pressing her own kiss onto his cheek.

Poe blushed slightly he was glad she liked it though. He got back to cooking, they ate and cleaned up. Rey had walked over and turned the Christmas tree lights on and just turned music on, sitting in the soft glow of the tree and finishing their wine a song came on that was too perfect and opportunity to pass up. Poe set his wine glass down and then grabbed Rey’s and set it aside. “May I have this dance?” He said holding his hand out.

Rey nodded, and placed her hand in his. He pulled her lightly and settled her in his arms. They danced and swayed to the music, Rey resting her head in the crook of his neck. The next song came on, and they stayed dancing. Poe resting his one hand on top of hers on his chest and the other just above her backside, pulling her into him.

Rey thinking how lucky she was to have him in her life and how most guys wouldn’t have looked for her, wouldn’t have stayed after she explained what happened, wouldn’t have listened to the events of the day and probably would have run at the first mention of Ren and his actions. Poe wasn’t just any guy though, yeah she had screwed up and it was a touch worrisome for him to look for her so long like he did, but he was nothing the same as Ren, and his reasons for looking for her she could understand. She still kicked herself mentally for running. She wondered where they would be now if she had not.

Poe was right, she didn’t need to go to the party tomorrow, but she wasn’t going to let Ren’s appearance deter her from her company functions. Especially when she was there first. Maybe they wouldn’t stay the entire time, maybe they would, who knows. She wasn’t going to go into work tomorrow though, she had no meetings and if they really needed her, they had her phone number. Tired of crying and feeling frustrated she had had enough, now she wanted to feel alive and enjoy the man she was pulled up against.

Looking down out of the corner of his eye Poe could almost hear the thoughts turning in her mind. Not wanting to focus on more of the events of the day he just wanted to enjoy the woman in his arms. His love. Oh man was he in deep, he would have to tell her soon, not tonight though. He would… not get to finish that train of thought because the next instant Rey was kissing him and running her hands up his chest and into his hair.

Rey had decided to take a chance and go after what she wanted, no more waiting around. She wanted Poe tonight and was not going to wait any longer. Running her tongue along his bottom lip he opened his mouth allowing her access. Music forgotten, hands in hair or searching for skin, they stood in the middle of her living room, kissing as if heir lives depended upon it.

Poe broke the kiss and looked at Rey eyebrows creeping towards his hairline as he tried to figure out what she was wanting to do. Rey knowing that she finally had the courage worked up she went ahead and took advantage of the extra push the wine gave her and the heady feeling of kissing Poe. Grabbing his hand she crooked her finger at him and began walking towards her bedroom.

Only to be stopped halfway to the door. Poe stood there, “Starshine, what are you thinking?” he wanted to know. Absolutely no way was he going to take any advantage of her not tonight, not after the day she had dealt with.

Rey swallowed. “Well I was thinking about the day, and I was thinking about everything really. I want you Poe, I want to be with you, I don’t want to wait anymore. Please?” Rey stood there waiting for Poe to answer.

“Are you sure?” Was all that Poe could manage to get to come out of his mouth, not that Poe wasn’t wanting this, he was, but he was still scared and worried about his own issue.

“Yes, I am sure. I want you Flyboy.” Rey said, punctuating the last sentence with kisses down the side of his neck ending with biting and sucking lightly on his collarbone. Sure, she was nervous but wasn’t going to let that stop her. Tonight, she wanted Poe, she wanted comfort, and she done being afraid.

Not needing anymore confirmation than that Poe picked her up and carried her into the bedroom, kissing her on the way. He deposited her onto the bed and followed her onto it. Kissing her he then began to trail kisses across her cheek, down her chin, returning the same light bite she gave him earlier on her collarbone, his hand trailing up under her tank top skimming her flesh of her abdomen and settling on her ribs right under her breast.

Rey gave a small moan when he bit down, and when his hand stopped moving, she arched up to encourage more and reached between them to pull her top off. Tossing the top on the floor she laid back down reaching for Poe pulling him back in for a kiss. Moving his hand up further he ghosted his fingertips over her exposed breast sending her back arching once again. Finally he took her in hand and rubbed his thumb over her taunt nipple. She gave a little gasp at the sizzling sensation that rippled through her with each stroke of his thumb.

Moving from her mouth Poe placed kisses down the other side of her neck and chest. Pausing and propping himself up he looked at Rey, her flushed face, swollen lips, whisker burn on her neck, he felt a little guilty. “I’m not hurting you with this am I? I can go shave.” Poe offered.

“Don’t you dare, I enjoy it and I’ll be fine.” Rey responded reaching for his shirt, grasping handfuls and pulling he allowed her to continue on her mission. Slipping it off finally she laughed shortly in triumph, then she began her exploration of his chest and back, running her short fingernails up and down his back making him shiver in anticipation.

Not being able to stand it longer Poe moved to lay between her spread legs aligning his pelvis to hers and ground down into her. He knew he had accomplished his momentary goal when she clutched onto his shoulders and gasped. Leaning his head down to her chest he placed a kiss directly in the valley between her breasts, then one to each breast followed by taking her left breast in his mouth, and sucking gently all the while cupping the right and rolling the nipple between his fingers.

Rey wove her hands through his curls and made all the little sounds of pleasure. The roughness of Poe’s face made it all the better, that beard burn was going to be absolutely worth this Rey decided. Feeling his weight still on her pelvis she shimmied a bit and heard Poe grasp in return. Taking advantage his momentary distraction, she wrapped her one leg around his hips and flipped him over onto his back while she straddled his hips.

Poe laid there stunned. One moment he had a beautiful pair of breasts in his face and the next he was on his back the breasts and the beautiful woman attached to them sitting astride him. He wanted to complain, he really did but found it difficult to when she did that little hip wiggle, she had done to distract him before. Knowing that he was unashamedly hard he just enjoyed the feeling of her leaning back and starting to unbuckle his belt. When she successfully got that out of the way she set to work on the jeans themselves, pushing them aside when she finally gained access.

Biting her bottom lip, Rey took in the sight of the man under her. Broad chest with a light sprinkling of hair, just the right amount of muscle, not as ripped as he had been during their time in the military but delicious to look at. Leaning down she kissed him on the mouth and then left a trail of kisses down his neck, progressing a little lowers she stopped under Poe’s collarbone biting a little harder this time, not much, but enough that he made a little sound, Rey continued on her path south leaving kisses as she went, watching as the muscles contracted under anticipation.

Finally she got to his Adonis belt the skin slightly marred with his scars but she loved it. Pausing and trying to gather the courage to do what came next. Taking a deep breath, she hooked her fingers under the waistband of his jeans and boxers. She looked up to Poe’s face, looking for confirmation and approval, she was met with a look of anticipation and worry. Cocking her head in question he nodded slightly. With the approval she needed she tugged on the articles of clothing she wanted gone, with help of Poe she managed to chuck those on the floor too.

Moving back astride she took a look at the man before her she had to admit he was a delightfully welcome sight on her bed with his gorgeous tan skin, kiss swollen lips, rich brown eyes and one spot under his collarbone that was darkening slightly into a bruise (whoops!). As Rey’s eyes wandered over his body and hers met, while her still clothed pants hid most of him the tip of his hardness could be seen, a bead of liquid collecting at the top. She knew she was out of her field of knowledge but she decided ‘damn the torpedoes full steam ahead’ as it were.

Poe looked between Rey’s face and where their bodies met, he could feel her heat and was wondering just how to get her out of her pants. Realizing his cliché-ish train of thought he mentally groaned. Not being able to resist he placed one hand on the yoga pants clad hips and ran one finger along the hidden center where their bodies touched earning a gasp from Rey who in turn to not be outdone reached down and ran her fingers lightly over his tip, smearing the liquid that had collected there about. Then a devilish smirk came across her lips and she moved to kneel beside him.

Taking and tracing her fingers lightly up along the length of Poe that was resting up against his stomach Rey grinned a little when he clutched the bedspread. Wondering what he would do next she wrapped her hand around him and stroked lightly. A sharp intake of breath was resulting action this time. Feeling a emboldened by this she continued to stroke and started pressing kisses into Poe’s hips getting closer to her main goal until she placed the last one on his tip followed by one single lick.

“Rey!” Was the resulting sound that came from Poe. He was trying really hard to hold still but jerked quite a bit when she licked him. All conscious thought was lost when he felt her lips close around him, the heat of her mouth and resulting ministrations drove everything that was not essential out of his mind. He clutched the bedspread in his hands and hoped that he didn’t rip it, ah to hell with it, if he did he’d buy her a new one. He allowed her to continue on her present course her taking him further and further into her mouth, the time came where he had to say something before the nights events ended before they really got started.

“Starshine,” Poe said breathlessly, “Starshine, you need to stop or else you’re about to really get a mouthful.” Knowing of no other way to say it he just said it. At his alert Rey slowed to a stop and then sat up, smiling all the while. Needing a moment to get the thought process started again, Poe reached over for Rey’s hand, the sweet and innocent then it was his turn to roll her onto her back under him, caressing her he asked once more. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure, love me please.” Was the answer.

“Oh Rey I already do.” With that the pants and panties joined the rest of the clothes on the floor. Poe smirked and left a trail of kisses down stomach kissing around her scar and continuing down to her pelvis. Nipping her with his teeth in return for the mark he knew he would have under his collarbone. Moving back up to capture Rey’s mouth, he moved one hand across her hips and traced one finger along her folds. Feeling how wet she was he eased one finger in, stroking in and out slowly taking advantage of her open mouth when she gasped.

His thumb came up and found that delightful cluster of nerves and stroked them softly while his finger picked up speed and curled slightly. Abandoning her mouth, Poe moved down to her breasts again, loving on them again and adding a second finger. Rey’s hands had taken up Poe’s previous position of clutching the bedspread, when he moved however Rey wove one hand through his hair tugging on the curls lightly.

Poe hummed his approval and increased the pressure on her clit. He continued to had pressure and suck on pert nipples that when Rey’s orgasm washed over her there was the sound of his name being called and cloth ripping.

“Poe, ah, grab a condom, oooh please, nightstand!” Rey panted, heart racing and want for Poe great.

Putting together the string of words Poe reached for the nightstand and grabbed a rubber. He wasn’t entirely convinced of the need of one, but that was a discussion for another time. Ripping the foil and rolling it on, he looked to Rey. He went back to stroking her folds lightly, almost teasingly. “Poe, please.” Rey said reaching for him.

Pulling him over her she grasped him in her hand and helped with easing him into her. Sliding in slowly they both let out a low moan. Poe tried really hard to remain still for a short time to get her accustom to him and for him to get accustom to her. Rey kissed his neck and ran her short nails lightly up and down his spine. Deciding there had been enough time Poe started to move with slow strokes at first, Poe propped himself up on elbows to watch Rey.

Offering a Poe a smile, Rey brought her legs up wrapping them around his hips and drawing him in as deep as he would go. Poe moaned at the angle change, beginning to pick up the pace, knowing he wouldn’t last much longer. Longer, fuller harder strokes sent Rey over the edge, calling out his name, nails indenting on his back, the feel of her contracting around him pulled him into his own orgasm.

Trying his best not to collapse upon her Poe laid next to Rey and enjoyed the way she snuggled down into his arms. Loving the feeling of her in his arms, their bodies joined together, and if he was honest with himself a successful field test with live ammunition. He felt content.

Rey cuddled into Poe enjoying the feel of being held by him she thought back to what he had said earlier. He said he loved her. She smiled into his chest, knowing they needed to get up and shower she kissed him under the chin. “Come on Snookums, we need to shower and then we can get some sleep.” Poe rolled his eyes and kissed her on the forehead.

With a little more cajoling and kissing they both managed to get into the shower and cleaned up, crawling back into bed both naked, neither caring about their scars they spooned under the ripped blankets, Rey safely nestled into Poe’s chest with his arms wrapped around her. She traced lines up and down his arms, while both of their eyes got heavy. No conversation to be had, just as Rey was drifting off, she said what was on her mind at that moment. “I love you too Poe.” She felt his arms tighten around her in response.

They both slept through the night, waking in the morning to Rey’s alarm. She called into work; said she might be at the party that night but that she was taking the day off. Then she snuggled back down into the covers and Poe’s arms. Both dozing back off with a smile on their face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww yeah! Finally got to the smut and then a little bit of fluff thrown in because obviously that has been building between them for at minimum of seven years, possibly longer. Until next week my dear reader :D


	17. Dancing Holiday Parties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Holiday party occurs, Kylo is a butt he tries to stir the pot but ends up with a bit of egg on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses solely on the Holiday party and the actions that happen here have direct consequences in other areas.

Standing in front of the mirror Rey gave herself one last once over. She had chosen the red party dress for two reasons. The first it was festive for the holiday season, the second was because it reminded her of the first meeting with Poe. Her makeup done just enough to enhance her hazel eyes, hair cascading down her back in waves, black heels and with luck the earrings Poe had given her paired well.

Poe walked out of her bathroom and over to Rey. She had to admit he looked devastatingly handsome in his charcoal grey suit and crisp white shirt. Wrapping his arm around her waist his eyes caught hers in the mirror. Pressing a kiss to her jaw he didn’t miss the worried look that flitted across her face. “Starshine, honey, we don’t have to go if you’re uncomfortable or worried.” He said.

“I need to go; I can’t let him win. We can go and then come home early or go somewhere else. I don’t care. But I’m not backing out of this. Just nervous is all.” Admitting the last part mostly to herself and not just to Poe.

“I know, I’ll be there with you, besides as gorgeous as you look tonight it would almost be a sin to keep you hidden away.” Arm still holding her secure to him, thinking a moment he reached and grabbed his phone from his pocket and snapped a picture of them together. “To save for later. Come on, we are going to be late.”

They got to the venue; Rey’s company had rented out the ballroom of the one luxury hotel in the area. Taking a deep breath, she grasped Poe’s hand for reassurance they both strode into the ballroom and the room almost came to a standstill. All of Rey’s coworkers had never seen her in anything other than slacks and the occasional pair of jeans, and she was never known to have company of a companion. She was sure all the female’s eyes were on Poe, not that she blamed them. Her coworker Mara flagged her down. “Rey! I saved you guys a spot; wasn’t sure you would come.”

“Thanks Mara. I’d like to introduce you to Poe. Poe, this is my coworkers Mara…” She rattled off a few other names for the people she worked with but wasn’t to worry about that. Mara’s jaw being on the floor was a bit more worrisome, along with two of the other ladies and with Chad’s. Rey smirked a little and scooted closer to Poe when they had finally taken their seat, he placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in closer.

The night carried on without a problem, Kylo wasn’t to be seen, dinner had been delightful, and finally when the dancing started Rey had had a couple of cocktails to help her courage to get out on the dance floor. Poe reached for her hand and she didn’t stop him when he pulled her out on the floor. They danced a slow song and then a faster one came on that had Poe returning to the table to get out of his suit jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves up. He turned back toward the dance floor, eyes scanning the room, looking for the person Rey was wanting to avoid. Hoping he wouldn’t find him here.

He continued scanning, and _Bingo_! Found him tucked into a dark corner glowering in her direction. Not about to alert Rey, she looked relaxed, she was having fun, the alcohol and dancing had flushed her cheeks in a cute way and there was no way he was going to spoil that for her. While they hadn’t talked to about what happened last night Poe didn’t regret the fumble he made or the way he told her he loved her. A devious idea entered his mind.

He walked over to the DJ and slid the guy a hefty tip and a request for a specific song. With confirmation that he would get his request Poe headed back to Rey’s side on the dance floor, a few more songs and the one he asked for came on. He held his hand once more asking for her to stay she did but was hesitant. “Poe I don’t know how to dance to this.” She said as the song obviously was a Latin themed and Rey had mostly two left feet.

“I got you, follow my lead. Please.”

“What if I fall?” She asked, placing her hand in his and doing just what he wanted, letting him lead.

“Then it won’t be so different from the first time we met. Come on Starshine.” With that Poe danced her across the floor, the rhythm had a lusty theme and while there weren’t any specific dance movies like with the Tango there were flair and flourishes and she was really glad she let him lead.

By the end of the dance every single eye in the house was on the couple. Everyone could tell the sole focus of the couple were each other. No one could look away and the libido of the entire room might have gone up a few ticks after watching that performance.

The song ended and Rey became conscious that everyone was watching them. Flushing a little more with the embarrassment of being the center of attention, Poe leaned in and gave her a real quick kiss and then pulled her off the dance floor and back to the table to get a drink.

“I had no idea you could dance like that.” Rey said looking at him with a smirk on her face. “How long have you known how to do that?”

“A while, my mom taught me, and I used to watch her and my dad years ago. I took a few lessons the first few years I was in the military and then stopped for obvious reasons. You never would dance with me at any of the command parties, so I kept that to myself. And look, you didn’t fall.” Poe said tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

“Well that was fun. Thank you for coming with me tonight, although I think I’m going to have to fight to get you out of here tonight.” Rey commented thinking it was definitely would be hard especially with the display he just put on. Half of the women in the room were mooning over him. “Better be prepared though, you’re about to be mauled.”

Poe looked up from the table at the at least five different women were approaching from different directions, Mara among them. “Hey Rey, do you mind if I, um, borrow your date for a dance?” Mara was asking.

“Sure, I’m going to catch my breath, if it’s okay with Poe though.” Rey returned mischief coloring her reply. Poe was looking unsure but nodded and stood up. Rey had decided that she wouldn’t let it go on for too long, just long enough to catch her breath. She decided she had had enough when it was two songs and five partners later and Poe was looking a little desperate, he was too polite to excuse himself though.

Standing to go rescue him Rey was almost to the dancefloor when her path was suddenly blocked. In her way stood Kylo. Steeling her spine, she continued forward and brushed past him intent on getting to the dance floor and ignoring Kylo. She was almost past him when his had came up and closed on her bicep. “Dance with me Rey.” He said, not asking, hand clamping down with bruising pressure.

“No thank you. I have a date.” Was her response, tugging to get out of his grasp. “You’re hurting me now let me go.”

“It looks like your date is preoccupied with others, especially with that redhead you are close to at work. I don’t think he’ll mind. Just one.” Still not letting go of her arm.

“I said no. Now, I say again let me go.” Realizing that attention was being drawn to them, she wasn’t above using the said attention to get him to let her go.

“Why Commander Dameron? What could he possibly have to offer you? You know he won’t stay with you. He was a serious playboy. I would be better for you. I have more station in this life, you belong on my arm. You realize he is defective right? He crashed and is now covered by scars and is probably dysfunctional in other areas too….” Kylo continued to drone on but Rey frankly blocked him out after the attack on Poe started, the heavy taint of whiskey on his breath. She was still trying to tug out of his bruising grip.

Poe watched the exchange while dancing with Mara for the third time. She was cute and sweet, but she was no competition for Rey. When he saw Kylo still gripping Rey’s arm and the pain that pinched her features he politely excused himself from Mara and walked over to the two, Rey not registering that he was coming over because she had zone out, probably to ignore whatever was spewing out of Kylo’s mouth.

“…Is now covered by scars and is probably dysfunctional in other areas too. He probably wouldn’t be able to give you children if you ever wanted, he can’t sit still for long, he doesn’t stay around either. After you left the command and he was removed, he was always out at the bars and with other women…” Is what Poe walked up onto. He figured other people knew about the crash, it wasn’t as if it was classified information, Kylo saying the part about children and bouncing around with other women though made him want to punch him more than once that he had already promised Rey he would.

“Let her go Kylo.” Poe’s voice growled, jaw set in a hardline, staring Kylo down. Spinning around and dragging her arm with him, Kylo caused Rey to stumble. Poe moved in to catch her again, grasping her waist to steady her and give her something to lean on. Kylo had yet to let her go.

“Let. Her. Go. _Now_. Last chance.” Poe said. Kylo looked around and saw the audience they were gaining and didn’t push it. He dropped Rey’s arm and straightened his jacket.

“Dameron, never expected to see you again, when I had you shipped off deployment, I had hoped that would be the end of you. Obviously not.”

“Obviously, I’m like a bed penny I keep turning up. Even a fiery crash can’t keep me down.” Poe replied with thinly veiled hostility lacing his voice.

“Yes, I can see that, unfortunately, although this time you’re riddled with scars and probably can’t even finish what you start now. No ammunition so to speak” The emphasis as to what Kylo was referring to evident to everyone around them. Cheap shots were being taken, maybe he could return in kind, the smug look on Kylo’s face pushing him towards it.

Except he didn’t beat Rey to it. She had no problem sharing another cheap shot of her own. “Well since you’re so concerned with it allow me to clue you in, there is no need to worry about whether or not he can finish what he starts, we had a successful field test with live ammunition just this afternoon. The results were amazing, in fact I’m looking forward to another test later.” Rey said very tongue in cheek.

Poe smiled at Rey, pulling her even closer to him. “You see Kylo, you may have tried to manufacture a way for me to be removed from the picture, but you didn’t succeed in execution. I’m still here, Rey is with me and you are obviously delusional. Now excuse us, I do believe our cab is here so we can go home. Have the night you deserve. Rey, sweetie, lets grab our things and go.”

Rey went back towards the table and swept up their items grabbing Poe’s jacket last. Walking back toward them she held the jacket out to Poe figuring he would put it on, but instead he settled it around her shoulders pressing a chaste kiss on her cheek. At the simple act Kylo huffed, spun around and walked off. “You looked perfect tonight.” Poe whispered in Rey’s ear. “Come on, let’s go home.”

With that a now blushing Rey left with Poe, waving at Mara. Surprised that Poe wasn’t lying when he said there was cab out front, but there was, he opened the door and allowed her to get in, giving the address to their apartment building. As the cab pulled away Rey settled in close to Poe, thankful she didn’t go through that experience with Kylo alone this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few more chapters, it ends at 20. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :D


	18. Jobs, Doubts and ..... Kids?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doubts weigh heavy on the minds of our romantic duo and "the talk" happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter. I wrapped this up about a month ago so I have been focused on some of my other projects. I am pondering what to write next.

Saturday morning was proving to be a lazy one. Cuddled in Rey’s bed together with Bee-bee snuggled up in between their legs is how they spent most of the morning. Rey’s feet were sore from the heels and Poe would be lying if he said his legs weren’t twinging a bit from the dancing last night. _It was worth it_ he thought to himself as he remembered how Rey had been pressed up against him. Something he had been thinking about for a while, his company was in need of a lead security analysist, and he doubted that she would want to stay at her current job with Kylo there.

Laying there Rey happened upon a similar line of thought. She was going to start looking for a new job Monday morning. But the drawbacks were with her field of specialty she might have to move. She had wanted to move even as recent as a month ago, now she didn’t want to leave, she didn’t want to now that she had let Poe in. She wanted to stay with him. Snuggling down further into Poe’s arms, she decided that was a bridge to cross when she came to it.

“Starshine, what ya thinking about?” Poe asked, his voice soft.

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“Changing jobs, but with my field I might have to move. I find I don’t want to, but I can’t stay working under Kylo.” Rey said, feeling sad that she was back to the thoughts she had pushed aside.

“What if you found another job, one that was similar but still allowed you to work in your field and possibly get to travel a bit as well?”

“What are you asking Poe? I don’t quite understand it.”

“Well would you want to travel for you job if you could?”

“Yes. I would like to travel more than I do now. Recently it hasn’t been a lot.”

“What if the job allowed you to travel with someone who, I hope I’m not overstepping but, someone you love?”

“Poe, out with it, what are you hedging around?” Rey asked, a frown creasing her brow.

Taking a deep breath Poe figured he needed to get it out. “My company you know flies a lot of clientele around. Some of those have need for a security check before they go wherever we need to go. Or continuously changing security needs and need someone, an advisor or analysist, to constantly assess those needs. We need someone like that. We haven’t put it out to the masses that we are hiring for this, but we are going to be looking. What do you say Starshine, want to be considered for it?”

“You want me to work at the same company as you?”

“Yes.” One word filled with certainty and no hesitation.

“What happens if whatever this is doesn’t work out between us?”

“We’ll figure it out if it ever should happen. I’m betting on it won’t since I don’t anticipate it and I sure as hell haven’t run even with the issues with Kylo. What do you say? You might even get to fly with me places, we could even take a few days depending on where we are or how long we are there and explore the areas. It would be considered on the job for you of course, I would just get the perks of following a gorgeous woman around.”

Rey was silent for a long while, thinking about what he had offered, it could work plus she wouldn’t be tethered to a desk all the time either. Turning in his arms she looked up at him, heavenly brown eyes looked back at her. “Please.” Was the one word that accompanied it and Rey just nodded. She couldn’t tell him no when he held so much hope and want in his eyes.

Poe smiled and started kissing on Rey, the thought of her working at the same company and the advantages it would have making him beyond excited. Nuzzling her neck he whispered, “So Starshine, how about another field test?” She giggled slightly rolling onto her back pulling him down with her. They didn’t leave the bed until the late afternoon.

***

Sunday morning they worked on polishing up Rey’s resume for submission to Poe’s boss. Went and grocery shopped, cooked and prepped for the week. The entire time Poe’s mind was slowly starting to bring up all the things Kylo had said at the party. Not that he wasn’t aware of everything the cretin said might not be true but still it was something that would need to be addressed at one point or another between he and Rey.

Sitting on the couch Rey decided it was time for Poe to come out with whatever was bothering him, she could feel his mood changing and souring all afternoon. Which was sad because despite the party incident they had had a fantastic weekend.

“Poe, Snookums, what is wrong?” Rey asked, tossing the pitiful pet name out trying to get his attention.

“Hmm? Oh, something Kylo said that’s all.” Poe replied, hoping that would have been all that was discussed but he should have known Rey would press it.

“Right, care to narrow it down? He blathered so much I’m surprised he didn’t foam at the mouth.”

Poe sighed, running his hand through his unruly curls, Rey sat up and scooted away from him so he could move around easier. “You’re not going to let this go are you?”

“You didn’t let me let it go and you helped me, so I’m here for you. Spill if you want.”

Poe sat quiet for a bit he wasn’t sure this was a conversation to have now, he was obviously pushing his luck to ask his girlfriend to come work with him. To tell the truth he was not prepared to have this conversation, he knew he would have to have it whenever he started to date anyone again. He had hoped it would be Rey but he hoped it would have been a few months in, not just barely a month.

“I’m not sure how to say it other than just letting it out. What Kylo said about me at the party is wearing on me. Its something I’ve been dealing with for years now. I didn’t expect what he said to frustrate me or bring up these feelings so quickly.”

“Are you talking about what he said about you being out with women? I know its not true, Finn told me a lot, I know you drug him out of most bars instead of going home with the women.”

Poe smiled at Rey, bless her, she thought he was worried about the fact he had been out with the women. “No Starshine, not the women, I never went home with them, didn’t even want most of them around. I’m talking about what he said about kids. I know we aren’t at that stage and maybe never will be but damn it all if he wasn’t right. I might not be able to have kids and I thought I had come to terms with it but evidently I haven’t.”

“Poe if it bothers you tell me, you’re right we might not get there or ever be at that stage but obviously it’s something you need to tell me about. Please, you listened to me.”

“You’re right. There’s not much to tell, with the crash things were injured. For the longest time I couldn’t do anything because of nerve damage, that finally healed and then when everything finally healed the doctors offered to run a test to see if, uh my ammunition was still live rounds instead of dummies. I didn’t do it because I was afraid of the answer. I was so scared of the answer. What if I can’t give the children that might be wanted one day?”

“Do you want kids?” Rey asked, she had never really entertained the question herself, but she wouldn’t be opposed she decided, not right now of course but wouldn’t mind them one day.

“Yes, no, yeah I don’t know the answer to that. I do but I don’t. It’s Schrödinger’s box right now. I want to know the answer but at the same time I don’t want to know the answer.” Poe finished, his hands on his knees, fingers folded together in front of him. Rey watched him with concern, she didn’t want to see him upset and didn’t like the idea that what Kylo said brought Poe into this state.

After a while and some contemplation on how to word things Rey spoke. “So what we do is we continue to use birth control to be on the safe side and if we get to where we decide to do a test run to see if the ammunition is live we do it. If not, we go on continuing like we have, I am in no rush. Besides I’m happy being with you right now, here, in this moment. We will worry about the future when the future gets here.” Rey leaned over and kissed Poe. “Let’s not borrow worries on something that might not happen. Besides what spineless said at the party is exactly that, spineless he was taking shots below the belt because of how insecure he is. Ignore him, I’m here with you, not him for a reason. You. I want _you_ Poe Dameron. Scars and all.”

Rey finished and rested her forehead against his. He smiled at her, feeling better about all of it, she was right, no use in borrowing worries of things that might not come to pass. They still had other issues to worry about.

***

Poe handed Rey’s resume over to his boss, giving the man a few moments to read it over. The man’s brow creased a few times and then he looked up at Poe. “Her resume is impressive, why is she wanting to leave?”

“Well to be honest, ninety percent of it is her story to tell but I can say that she has a new boss that she was passed over a promotion for and this is both a man we served with that we, her or I, have love for. He’s a security risk and a loose cannon basically. Not the type of person you want in charge of high-profile security details.”

“I see, I think she would be a good fit here, she got along with everyone at Thanksgiving, your relationship isn’t going to cause problems correct?”

“No, it won’t. I waited a long time and as long as she’ll have me around, I’m not going to cause any problems.”

“Fine, how about an interview tomorrow morning? Make it a lunch interview and If everything goes well, she can start after the holidays.”

“I’ll let her know. She’ll be here.”

Poe walked over to his small office truthfully, he didn’t need a large one since he was a pilot, but he needed one where he could file his paperwork. He called up Rey and had told her about the interview in the morning, offering her to just come with him in the morning when she had to go since someone was walking in without knocking. He could hear the exasperation in her voice, since she had a ninety-nine percent chance of working with him after tomorrow, he decided to have a little fun. Hanging up with her he started calling local delivery services.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters! Just two. It's been a fun ride for me, I'm sorry if it hasn't for you or if I drug it out. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and if you want find me on Tumblr: jedi-mando 
> 
> I'm just getting started there so forgive me while I figure all of this out XD


	19. Cupid & Punches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confronts Kylo for being in her office, takes on a job change and there is an appearance of a certain type of oysters, and cupid! No smut this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter leading up to the end.... it's been a ride, when I started this I didn't think it would be this long. Hopefully I did my idea justice and you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Be sure to check out the writing challenge myself and a group of friends agreed to do, various fandoms covered there.

“The door was shut for a reason.” Rey said setting her phone on her desk.

“The door was shut; you were on your personal phone and I am your superior officer I will enter where I wish.” Came the curt reply from Kylo, looking rather smug with himself.

“You do realize we are not in the military anymore correct? You might be higher above me, but you certainly are not my ‘superior officer.’” Frustration leaching into her voice.

“What was the phone call about Rey? Please tell me it was important and not to the pilot because if it was I might have to report you to HR for taking personal phone calls while working.”

“You want to involve HR over a” Rey picked up her phone and looked at the call record “three minutes. You’re going to involve them and cause a fuss for something that took less time than you do getting coffee or talking to yourself in the mirror in the men’s room? Please. Involve them. I’m tired of your little games.”

“The games would stop if you would just give in and date me finally. I can give you everything you ever want, security, family, money, children and power. Say yes and all will be forgiven. Even the fact that you had to leave the service in disgrace after a mission turned south on you.”

Rey studied Kylo a moment, wondering what the fascination with her was. She didn’t get it, but this obsession had almost cost her life once and it made her nervous for how far he would go this time. Deciding that she didn’t feel safe in this environment currently she wanted to leave for the day. Hell, maybe even just quit on the spot. Poe sounded really positive that she would be hired there when he called her earlier.

“Kylo, I don’t know where you get your delusions, but I don’t want you. I never have. Leave me alone. I have work to do, please kindly leave and shut. My. Door.” With that she sat back down at her desk and did her best to ignore the lanky figure hovering in her doorway. He stood there for what seemed like eternity. Not talking, just standing, staring and breathing.

About twenty minutes into him standing and staring and Rey trying to work Mara poked her head in the doorway. “Hey! Mr. Ren you have a delivery waiting in your office and Rey you have a phone call on line two.”

“Thank you, Mara, I’ll grab it now. Since Mr. Ren has to go accept his delivery.” Rey said

“Oh yes he does.” Was all Mara said with an extremely mischievous smile? Kylo of course did not pick up on this not having said more than five words to the delightful redhead. Rey however knew the look and knew that this was going to be good. Watching as Kylo nodded once and headed out Rey reached out and snagged the phone handset and hit the connection that was needed. “Hello.”

“I wanted to call so I could hear the explosion.” Rey’s face broke into a grin hearing the voice.

“And why exactly do you need to hear the explosion? What did you do Poe?”

“How about I tell you later and you listen to the explosion for me and then sneak downstairs and come away with me for the afternoon?”

“Sounds like a plan. I’ll call you on my cell phone so you can hear it that way.”

“Okay, tell Mara to make sure to get a video.”

Hanging up the desk phone and grabbing her cell phone she restored the connection to Poe. Seeing that Kylo was going into his office she waited in silence to hear what Poe was anticipating. Within twenty seconds there was this scream of rage followed by sputtering about. Taking that as her cue she grabbed her jacket and purse and nodded to Mara and disappeared down the stairwell.

Climbing into the car with Poe he was looking particularly pleased with himself. Throwing a sideways glance at him while they pulled away from the curb she said “okay, spill.” Which lead to almost maniacal laughter.

“Just tell me that someone got video of that!” Was all he said. Not a moment later her phone dinged with a message tone from Mara. It was a video message.

“Well evidently they did, I suppose when we stop I will watch this with you since you’re wanting to see it so bad. I assume that you are behind this?”

“Well I might have had a heavy hand in it.” Poe said as he maneuvered the car down the road. They got to their apartment building and sat in the car while watching the video.

In the video it showed a man with a beer belly, hair everywhere except his head, dressed in a diaper, little wings, a sash and a miniature cupids bow. He had evidently placed something that Rey couldn’t quite make out what it was on the desk and was singing about his delivery to a very red Kylo. The video concluded with the delivery man taking a bow and Kylo letting out a very frustrated and almost constipated sounding yell. Both of them sat in the car laughing with tears running down their faces.

“Okay, what did you do? You got your video, now spill.” Rey said as they walked to her apartment.

“Well I was still irritated from what he said at the party, and what he did to you and subsequently me with sending me away that I may or may not have had ten pounds of various smelly cheeses, a jar of pickled pigs feet and a very interesting delicacy of Rocky Mountain Oysters. I figured for a man that is so worried about my balls could do with a few of his own.” Poe said with a bow.

***

They spent the afternoon with phones on silent, in bed exploring each other, and finally moving to the couch and sitting in the soft glow the Christmas tree was giving off in the fading light of day. Rey had just dozed off cuddled up to Poe when suddenly there was a pounding at the door that sent the cats flying. Poe looked quizzically at her as if she was supposed to know who was at the door. “Don’t look at me, I don’t know who is here.” Rey said and they got up. Poe adjusting his pajama pants and Rey closing her fluffy robe.

The pounding continued. Making their way to the door the person pounding started screaming. “I know you’re in there! Open this damn door Rey, I swear if I find you in there with that Pretty Boy Pilot…” Poe put out his hand to stop her from going to the door.

“I think you need to go to your room, shut the door, and go call the cops. I’ll stay here and run interference if need be.” Poe pushed her towards the bedroom, but she reached down and grabbed his hand.

“Or I can stop letting him dictate my life and stay right here with you.” Rey said, lacing her fingers with his. “I’ll still call the cops though.”

Poe momentarily considered telling her to go anyways, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears. Leaning over he kissed her soft and quickly. “Okay, you stay with me then.” Was all he said not dropping her hand. The pounding at the door continued as did the hollering. About five minutes later the cops had shown up and the pounding stopped, the emergency operator on the other end said it was okay to open the door and speak to the cops.

Opening the door Poe kept Rey partly behind him and took in the scene, one cop had Kylo off to the side, the other was standing by the door. Officers Guerrera and Bliss they were introduced to. Officer Bliss was taking the statement of Rey and was asking if she wanted Kylo trespassed from the property, answering yes and about to wrap up.

Grabbing the paperwork, Officer Bliss had walked back over towards the corner that held her partner and Kylo when acting as if he were possessed Kylo ran past the officers directly at Rey, pulling out a knife as he went. It all seemed to happen in slow motion, Rey was scrambling backwards, Kylo was running towards her with the cops not far behind when Poe stepped into the path of Kylo and caught him with a mean right hook right across his face. Kylo dropped like a sack of potatoes and laid there. Officer Guerrera placed the stunned jackass in cuffs and hauled him up and off to the car.

Another talk with Officer Bliss and more paperwork it looked like Kylo would be going to cool his heels in jail for the night. Exchanging good nights with the cop, Poe shut the door and pulled Rey in for a hug. She was trembling from the adrenaline crash, his hand hurt but it was worth it.

“Well,” she started in a shaking voice, “you got your wish and got to punch him.”

“Yeah, I guess I did, are you okay though?”

“Yes… no. I don’t know. Will you please stay the night? I don’t think I can be alone after that.” Rey leaned her head onto Poe’s shoulder.

“Of course, Starshine I’m not going anywhere tonight.” Poe picked her up and carried her to the bedroom and set her gently on the bed.

“I don’t think I can go back to work.” Rey said, beginning to remove her robe and ready herself for bed.

“Then don’t, I’m pretty sure the interview is only a formality and then I have a flight to take some clients to Hawaii for the rest of the week. Come with me, they won’t care you’re on the plane.” Poe crawled into bed and waited for Rey to settle in.

“We will figure it out tomorrow. Thank you, Poe.” Rey moved and snuggled into his welcoming arms. Kissing him once more they both fell asleep, waking only twice due to nightmares.

***

The next morning Rey and Poe walked into her office and asked Mara to come in, she shut the door and lined out basically what she was about to do. Rey told her what had happened the night before and the full story of the military and how she was leaving. She was going to ask to build her own team at the interview later that morning and wanted Mara to not only be her assistant but to actually be her second in command, pending approval of course.

Mara leapt at the idea, she loved it. By the time Rey had finished explaining everything it was time to go see the CEO. Leaving Poe and Mara to pack up her office she headed for the man in charges office. When she got off the elevator the administrative assistant showed her right in and closed the door behind her. Mr. Snoke was sitting behind the desk, looking rather frustrated. “Rey, do come in and have a seat. I am hoping the reason you wanted to meet with me today is to tell me about why my Security Management’s lead is in jail?”

“Actually Mr. Snoke it has something to do with that.”

“Oh, and please share why Mr. Ren is in jail.”

“Well sir, to be blunt Kylo Ren is in jail due to several things. The list includes misappropriating employee records and looking up personal information, stalking, harassing and last but certainly most important what the police are calling ‘attempted murder’ whether that charge holds or not is another story.”

“Well my dear, that certainly is a lot. Now why are you here specifically? This could have been explained in an email.”

“It could have, I felt it was better to do this in person. See I am the person he did all that too and since you so gleefully hired him instead of promoting me for all my time spent here, contracts brought in and success my team has had I am resigning, effective immediately. I have no time to work beneath scum and I also have no time for people who don’t support loyalty.” Rey said, taking off her identification badge placing it on Mr. Snoke’s desk. “I appreciate the time and the work that it took for me to learn how to do all this but I’m done. Good luck with your security teams once word gets out that you are employing a man that not only harassed a woman, who repeatedly told him no, and tried to kill her not once but twice.”

Rey turned and headed for the door with Mr. Snoke gaping after her, mouth working like a fish. “What do you mean twice?” Was all Snoke got out before Rey finally got to the door. Deciding it was time to let the full story be known and she didn’t have to worry about what the company thought about her anymore, she stopped and turned back to face him. She pulled her jacket side out of the way and untucked her white button up shirt and bared her scar.

“The last mission I was on after Kylo Ren broke apart my squad, tried to blackmail me into dating him and when I told him no again I received this as a parting shot from him via his right hand. Now if you excuse me, I have places to be. Good luck getting the Duchess Kenobi account now.” With that she opened the door and headed back to what used to be her office.

Gathering her stuff there and Poe she hugged Mara and told her she hoped to have an answer soon. She told the redhead to keep her chin up and that while Kylo treated everyone like mindless droids there should be another option. Rey also whispered into her ear to make sure the good Doctor and Duchess Kenobi learned of what happened and why she left so suddenly since they had only wanted to work with Rey.

With all that settled Poe and Rey headed for the door so she could get over to the interview with Poe’s boss. Once they got there, they all loaded up and went for her interview. Rey and Poe, Jessika and Poe’s boss who was called Cody, all had lunch and it was the most laid-back interview anyone ever had. By the end of lunch Cody just simply looked across the table at Rey and said “You’re hired. You start directly after the holidays, but I’ll pay you from today forward. What do you need from me to start?”

Rey outlined what she had as an idea for her team and Cody just smiled and told her to bring them on. Later that afternoon Rey called and told Mara the news, to which Mara readily agreed and started to discreetly put out that Rey had left, started a new job and that she would be following her. In the end more than eighty percent of the accounts Rey had cultivated or were courting before she left followed her to the new company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will see you again next week for the finale! I have a few other fics in the works. 
> 
> I do have a Tumblr now, not sure how it works still but will get there eventually. Jedi-mando is the name there. 
> 
> Roughly the same time next week!


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end has come! Will it be a happy ever after?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, just a bit of a heads up there is some conversations and dealings with foster care and the foster system. Happy ending definitely though.

**Two Years Later**

“We’ll be landing shortly Doctor, Duchess please buckle back in, we will go over the safety plan one more time.” Rey said to the Kenobi’s. The bearded redhaired man and his lovely blonde wife settled back into their seats and patiently listened to Rey outline the safety detail once again, telling them the names of the body guards, the important notes and how she would be in Ireland as well but her team was taking lead on this on the ground. Forty-five minutes later the lovely couple was off the jet and headed towards some medical conference.

Poe came out of the flight deck and wrapped his arms around Rey, kissing her temple. “Ready to go explore Ireland again? What shall we see this time?” 

“Hmm,” leaning against Poe to kiss his cheek, “I’m not sure you pick.” 

“Okay Starshine, let’s get going then, we only have a week.”

What a week it turned out to be, they went to previously unexplored spots. When they spent the night in castle near the coast, they were up standing on a balcony overlooking the sunset when Poe pulled a small ring box out of his pocket and asked Rey to marry him. They spent the rest of that week at that castle before escorting the Kenobi’s back to the States. 

Planning a wedding proved to be almost impossible between their schedules, lack of family and moving into a house. After the attempt Kylo made at Rey’s apartment they had spent the time between getting back from Hawaii moving into a new building. While Rey disliked leaving Wexley the new two-bedroom apartment offered a larger roof retreat and more room for the cats to get away from humans. It had suited them well but with getting married they were thinking about the future. 

Poe had lucked into basically a small farm with a five-bedroom ranch house on it. Plenty of room to grow, Poe had said with hope in his voice. Grow how he had no idea, neither did Rey, but that gave them time to renovate the house and spend time together. Wasn’t conducive to a wedding though, so eventually they both had decided just to elope and announce it later. When Cody found out about their plan, he sent them first to Las Vegas to get married, putting them up in the Bellagio for a week.

Rounding into almost three years and one year after their marriage the house was done and upgraded everywhere, they could. Rey decided maybe it was time they should play with live ammunition and see how the results played out. 

***

A little over two months later Poe had just returned home from an overseas flight and Rey had waited up for him. She had just given him a welcome home kiss when her phone started ringing, rushing to answer it, only certain people were on her “do not disturb” exception list. Picking it up she read the caller ID was Mara. “Hey Mara, you okay?” She asked thankful that it was Mara’s private number and not her work phone.

“Yeah, I’m good, look I know it’s late and I don’t even know if Poe is back yet, but I need to ask a favor.”

“No worries, Poe just walked in what’s up? Hang on let me put you on speaker.” Moving the phone from her ear she pushed the speaker button. “Okay you’re on speaker. What’s up?”

“Hi Poe, welcome home! Okay so you know Tenel my sister is a social worker, right? Well she had a bit of a situation come up, she has no openings and she had a pretty bad case come in, three siblings and they had to be removed from their last foster home after abuse charges were levied against the father. Can you help them? Just for a little while, please?” 

Poe and Rey looked at each other for a moment. “Can we have a moment to talk about it?” Poe asked.

“Yeah sure take a bit, I’m with Tenel and the kids at her office. Give me a call back either way. Please.” Mara said and hung up.

Rey was worrying her lip and looking at Poe, they were both tired and wanted nothing more than to go to bed. “Well, what do you think?” Poe asked first, knowing because of Rey’s own past she was particular about kids in rough situations. She might not have been in foster care but she had known kids who were, sometimes they got lucky and the parents really cared, but sometimes you weren’t lucky.

“I would hate for those kids to not have a place to go, even for a bit. I know you just got home but I wouldn’t mind if they came home with us. I can drive and go get them. If you’re okay with it.”

Looking at his wife’s face, he loved saying that, never got tired of it in fact, and just smiled. “Of course, we can go get them, no need for them to sleep in an office or anywhere but here tonight. We have room for them.” Sleep would be waiting just a bit more tonight.

Rey threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. “Thank you, I love you.” 

“I love you too, Starshine. Come on, get dressed and call Mara, I’ll get the car warmed up.”

Smiling at her husband, she walked to her room to put some clothes on and called Mara to tell her they were on their way and to text the address where they were. Thirty minutes later they stood outside a business building, Mara was waving at them from the entryway. “Thanks for coming, these are great kids, come inside, Tenel has a few pieces of paperwork you need to sign, this should be temporary. I appreciate it.” 

Walking into the office they met up with Tenel and did the necessary paperwork. “Thank you for doing this, I appreciate it, the poor kids they really are great, just been dealt a rough hand. Their ages are twelve, nine, and three. Their father walked after the youngest was born and mom passed two years ago from illness. She tried to beat it but just couldn’t.” The younger redhead said sadly. 

“No problem Tenel, we both know a few things about life dealing is horrible hands.” Rey smiled, Tenel knew their pasts and the scars that haunted them. She was a good friend, not as close as Mara but they had grown closer through the years that Mara had worked with Poe and Rey. 

“Well anyways,” Tenel said, leading them out of the office and down the hallway to a lounge area where Mara was sitting with a boy with a little girl cuddled up against him and another girl on her other side. “Poe, Rey I would like to introduce Jesse, Hera and Sabine Antilles. Kids this is Poe and Rey. You’ll be going home with them until we can figure something out.” Jesse stood up from the couch looking up at Poe and Rey, he was just about a head shorter than them. The kid put his hand out for Poe to shake “sir” was all he said. 

Poe clasped his hand, “Jesse. Nice to meet you. Come on, you guys must be tired. Let’s get you guys to   
our house. We have bedrooms waiting for all of you.” Jesse just nodded and turned around to pick up the littlest one, Sabine, and cradled her close, the poor toddler had puffy eyes and tear streaked cheeks. They loaded the kids up into car, the youngest in a car safety seat that Tenel provided, thanking them again Tenel waved them away. 

The ride back to the house was quiet, the kids didn’t talk, and Poe and Rey just kept the music on low and just drove through the night. Pulling into the drive Rey turned around and looked at the kids, taking in the state of their clothing and lack of belongings much too thin to be healthy, especially Jesse. She remembered from her teen years that usually they at least got a bag, more often than not a trash bag of their belongings, these kids have nothing. Looking at both the girls curled into the side of their brother, who had one arm wrapped around the each of them. “Hey Jesse, Hera, Sabine, we are home. Come on, let’s get you inside.” Jesse pulled Sabine out of her seat and cradled her close. 

They put the girls in the one bedroom and showed Jesse to the one he could use, everyone finally crashing into bed about four in the morning. Poe texted Cody and told him basics and that he and Rey wouldn’t be into work tomorrow and to ask Mara for details. Putting his phone down he cuddled Rey close kissing her head. “Thank you” came softly from Rey.

“Of course, Starshine let’s get some sleep.” Poe said smiling as he closed his eyes. 

They woke the next morning and first went to check on the kids. Looking into Jesse’s room they noticed the bed hadn’t been slept in. Walking to the girl’s room next, they found why. In the bigger of the beds were all three kids were snuggled up, Sabine asleep on Jesse’s chest and Hera curled up on his shoulder, the poor boy was propped up against the wall and definitely was going to have a pinch in his neck, but they were asleep so they let them sleep. Instead Poe and Rey went to the kitchen and started making breakfast. 

With a spread of French toast, bacon, milk, coffee, and eggs set out on the table they waited, deciding to let the kids wake up naturally. Ten minutes later sipping their coffee reflecting on the night before. “I want to take the kids to buy clothes, some toys and books.” Rey said, looking at Poe over her coffee cup.  
“I don’t see a problem with that. They are going to need it, even if it’s a few days. They need it.” Poe replied.

“Great! After breakfast then.” Rey said with a smile, reaching out to squeeze Poe’s hand. A noise drew their attention to the doorway that led to the hall. Little Sabine was standing there in her threadbare pajamas and slowly walked to the table and Rey lifted her into a seat, Hera followed not long after. Jesse showed up and stood off to the side and it took several coaxes to get him to sit down and eat too. Rey suspected he usually ate last to make sure his sisters got food. 

Rey struggled somewhat internally, slightly upset that it would only be a few days the kids would be with them. She was determined though that if it were for only a few days she was going to make them good days.

Two days turned into two weeks then two months when Tenel finally asked if Poe and Rey wanted to foster them long-term. Poe and Rey answered almost instantly a firm yes. It had been rough the first two months but finally the kids understood they would be coming home, Rey had taken to working from home at least three days a week since the kids got there and Poe had taken on more administrative duties, but he still flew. Jesse was interested in that, Hera was opening up with Rey in the kitchen and little Sabine had won over the most cantankerous member of the Dameron household, Chewie, he could often be found snuggled down at night next to her or the foot of her bed and followed her throughout the day. 

Two months turned into six, by then the kids were adjusting well to school and were looking healthy finally, and no threadbare clothing either and wherever you found Sabine you found a stuffed purple cat like creature and Hera always had a book. Six months turned to one year into the ‘just a few days’ and Jesse who had been the most standoffish and reticent in getting settled, was the first to call Rey mom by surprise. She had smiled and tried to not make a big deal out of in order to make the blushing teenager feel comfortable. Assuring Jesse, it was okay and just gave him a hug she decided to talk to Poe that night. 

“What if we adopted the kids?” Rey posed when they were sitting alone after the kids had gone to bed. 

“Is that what you want?” Poe asked, knowing the answer.

“Well, yes, you got to admit they make a great fit here, you’re a natural at being a dad and the kids are safe here and I love them. Besides I know think they like it here.” Rey answered. 

“If that’s how you feel about it then yes. You are correct and I love those kids too, call Tenel tomorrow and see what needs to be done.” Poe said pulling Rey into his side. Not missing the sound of little feet sneaking back down the hall going in to see her brother.

“Jesse, we’re staying!” Sabine said curling up next to Jesse who just smiled and hugged her close. While Sabine drifted off to sleep Jesse lay awake wondering when they would be leaving, if they would be replaced and what would happen when something better came along. 

Another three months thanks to Tenel anticipating and having family studies along with other paperwork ready to push through the system, and the kids were officially adopted Poe and Rey promising to love the kids and always provide them with support and shelter, the kids even opting to accept the name change all three were the newest members of the Dameron clan. Sabine had taken to calling Poe and Rey Mama and Daddy, Hera called Rey Mom and Poe was Dad, Jesse hadn’t called them any affectionate names since he slipped up that one time, but he wasn’t as distant anymore. The time spent now between school, vacations, family time and all the activities that came along with.

About a year and a half later Poe and Rey were in for a shock, after many near misses with Poe’s live ammunition, one practice run was successful. Rey was pregnant. Wanting to wait a few months just to be sure, neither Poe nor Rey were exactly spring chickens anymore, it was time to break the news to the kids. Hera and Sabine were excited for a new sibling, Jesse became withdrawn.

Rey found him sitting one night by the pool. Going to sit beside him they just sat in the quiet for a while. The sound of Jesse sniffling broke Rey’s heart. Reaching to place a hand on his back and rubbing it in soothing strokes. “Jesse, talk to me please?” 

“You’re going to get rid of us now right? Because of the baby?” He said softly. 

“What?! No, absolutely not. Jesse, I meant it when I told you when you became one of us forever, you were mine forever. I love you; I may be having a baby myself now, but you are my oldest, you are my son now and forever. New baby or not, you are my oldest baby. You, Hera, and Sabine are my children, no going anywhere, no being sent away, no being replaced as you are all irreplaceable.” Rey told him and pulled him to her feeling his tears fall on her shoulder. 

Jesse wrapped his arms around Rey and cried, her sweet boy, her oldest was taller than her now, and while she hadn’t had him in her life long, she cherished every moment he and his sisters were there. “Jesse, sweetheart, we’ve told you about our past, you’ve seen our scars. I know your life has been rough, but it won’t be anymore. I know a baby will be an adjustment for everyone but will never replace you, or Hera or Sabine.” Rey told him, softly petting his head where it rested on her shoulder.

“Promise you’re not going to make us go away?” Jesse said

“Jesse, I promise I will never make you go away, ever.” Rey said. They stood in silence for a little longer Rey wrapping her arms around him and trying to let him feel how much love she had for him as a mother. Finally, a hesitant Jesse let go and stood back up, Rey reached up and brushed a few of the remaining tears away. “I promise. No matter what happens we love you, we are not giving you up. I love you and I want you around.” 

Jesse smiled at the woman who had taken him and his sisters in, given them a home even though they were only supposed to have been there for a few days he was glad he was here. He knew it was difficult and he had been standoffish, losing both parents in a year and then being bounced around from foster house to foster house tend to do that to a kid, but he found he believed Rey when she said nothing would happen. Which, it hadn’t. They had all been together for almost two years. 

He knew he could believe her, and she had shown time and time again that she was not letting him, or his sisters go. She wouldn’t replace his biological mom, but she wasn’t trying to, she was just trying to be the best mom she could be to them and he was a touch ashamed to realize it had taken him that long to notice it. No one would replace his biological mother, yet he knew Rey was loving him and trying to guide him in the best way possible.

“Okay Mom, I believe you.” Was all he said and almost instantly regretted it when the woman he had just called his mom started to tear up. It was her turn to do the sniffling and she wrapped him in the biggest hug mumbling unintelligibly about her boy, how she loved him and even a few thank yous for trusting her. Jesse stood there patting her back awkwardly, and that’s how Poe had stumbled upon them.  
Jesse sent a panicked look at him unsure of what to do or he did as Poe walked up. “Uh, Hi Dad, I think I broke Mom.” He said and watched the smile spread across the older man’s face.

“I see that, come on Rey it’s time for bed, all of us, Jesse has school and we have work tomorrow.” Poe said unwrapping the teenager from his mother’s grasp, who was really crying now at the fact that within a space of a minute she had not only been called Mom, but Poe had also been called Dad.

“But Poe! He called me Mom and then he called you Dad. I’m happy.”

“I know Starshine, but we all need sleep. Come on, the girls are already in bed. You have many more opportunities tomorrow to hear him call you mom.” Poe said guiding his crying wife back into the house. 

** A Few Months Later  **

Rey smiled up at her husband, the touch of gray hairs around his temples making him even more handsome than before. The tears in his eyes as he looked down at his lovely wife and the newest member of the Dameron clan swaddled in a soft blue blanket. “You did amazing Starshine. He’s perfect.” Poe said settling on the edge of the bed and wrapping an arm around Rey. 

“I think it was a successful test and proves your ammunition is live don’t you darling?” Rey asked, exhausted but with a mischievous glint in her eye. 

Poe laughed softly, “yeah, it was a successful test.” He kissed her temple and grasped his newest son’s small hand gently. “I think we are done though, no more from you. If that’s okay, I can’t go through that again.” 

“Oh, you big baby, labor wasn’t that rough.” 

“Maybe not for you, I have to still fly, and you crushed my hand.” 

“We’ll talk about it later.” Rey kissed his cheek as there was a knock at the door.

Looking over towards the door they both saw Mara pop her head in the door. “Everyone is out here wanting to see the newest Dameron. Any particular order? We don’t want to overwhelm you.”

“How about brother’s and sister’s first?” Poe said, glancing at Rey. She simply smiled and nodded. 

“Okay, sounds great, I’ll get them.” Mara said and disappeared the door closing softly. A minute later the door opened again and in shuffled one teenager, one preteen and an adolescent. Rey smiled at her oldest children, grateful that she took the phone call from Mara those few years ago. Hera was looking excited but didn’t want to rush up, Sabine was carrying her purple stuffed cat creature proudly wearing her   
“Promoted to Big Sister” shirt and Jesse was looking as if to make sure Rey was still there. 

“Mom?” Jesse said hesitantly looking extremely nervous, but the name made Rey’s heart swell still every time she heard him call her that. 

“I’m still here come meet your little brother.” Rey said softly remembering the conversations over the last six months. “Nothing to be afraid of, come on Jesse.” Rey said patting the bed next to her, thankful that the bed was a bit bigger than a standard issue hospital bed.

Jesse walked over to the side unoccupied by Poe, Hera followed him, and Sabine came over to Poe who picked up the six-year-old with ease. Rey looked at her kids, looking each of them in the eye, “you all know I love you dearly, we love you dearly. You are mine, forever, nothing will change that. We just added to the number and evened the ever-ongoing battle of the sexes in our house. Meet your newest Dameron sibling, Jacen.” Rey said moving the blanket a little from hiding the baby’s face.

Jesse was the first to move, Hera and Sabine just stared, he sat down on the open area of the bed near Rey and looked down at his new little brother. He looked back at his mom, Rey, and recalled what she had told him a few months ago when he was wondering if they were going to get rid of them. He knew adoption was forever, but forever doesn’t always mean the same to other people as it did to you. “No matter what happens we love you, we are not giving you up. I love you and I want you around.” There were a few other things said but mostly Jesse remembers hugging her and crying. 

“He’s awfully tiny.” Jesse observed, watching the bundle in his mom’s arms move slightly. “Like really tiny, even Sabine wasn’t that tiny.”

Rey laughed, “of course he is, you all were once upon a time, babies don’t have a standard size to them.” She leaned over to kiss her oldest son on the cheek, he grimaced a bit. Sitting back, she let Hera come closer for a better look, Jesse standing up and moving to the head of the bed. No one noticed Mara sneaking back in with Tenel hot on her heels and snapping a few photos of the now larger family. One of which would grace the flight deck and desks of both proud parents

  
Two days later after Mara had taken them and the kids home, Cody and Jessika had come and gone, and Finn even stopped in for a bit. Jacen was fed and cuddled up on Poe’s chest, and Poe had one arm wrapped around Rey’s shoulders holding her tight nuzzling her hair, the kids were all scattered around them on the couch and floor. Jesse cuddled up to Rey’s knees on the floor, Sabine was on the couch next to him and Hera was cuddling with the pups on the floor. His family, he thought, and while he loved them all before the scene before him had him feeling like the Grinch and his heart growing two sizes. They all had their scars, except for Jacen, but he loved each and every one of them for what was under those scars.

“I love you all.” Poe said softly. Rey smiled up at him from her spot at his side, Jesse looked up from his spot by Rey, Hera turned around to look at him and Sabine looked over to him from his side. 

“Love you too Dad.” Came the chorus and a little whimper from the sleeping babe.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading.
> 
> Be sure to check out my group of friends writing challenge. New nerd/geek themed items posted monthly.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: Jedi-mando (just be warned, I don't tumblr well so learning process!)

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfiction ever. Never done this. Something that has been rattling around in my brain for a while. That in itself is dangerous.


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